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ARNOLD as "Dutch" in Predator
BIG Guns! A cast that could be measured in Biceptitude. |
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Arnold
Schwarzenegger
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The undisputed KING of action movies:
Mr. Universe, Mr. Olympia, Mr. Action Movie!
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. So dominant in the genre Saturday Night Live
coined the phrase “non-Arnold movies”. With a body like this, it must be
hard to find a stunt double, but who needs one?
The comic book super hero come to life. He embodies our collective desire
to be invincible, and he's what we wanted to be when we grew up.
His belief in himself, evidenced by his achievements, his
determination to succeed, and success in attaining 'The American Dream',
are all part and parcel of his charm, along with the Austrian accent that
makes his characters all the more likeable and memorable.
"
Itz nodda tooma."
"Rememba, Sully, wen I prommusst
to kill you last? I lyhed."
"Uhl be bahck."
Bigger than life off screen
as well as on, that's why he's #1. So many really great movies (just a
couple bad). Arnold is still the ACTION FIGURE of all
time. Aren't you just waiting to vote for him for President?Enough time has passed since he's been out of the
game, that someone is sure to replace him (once they
get a sufficient body of work to compete), but for now,
he still reigns supreme on this list of the Action
Figure: not just for the action but also for the
figure!
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With the Action Figure, so much of the movie's success rests on their ability to be
that hero, it's hard to separate them from the role afterward. Not
enough credit is given because they are in such great shape, as if being
in great shape is too much credit already, and the 'action'—the
performance of such magnificent physical feats is equally
underappreciated. Too often dismissed and not considered serious acting
roles, action movie heroes should instead be doubly awarded. Not only
are they talking the talk, they're walking the walk!
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SYLVESTER STALLONE
as Rocky Balboa
. . . and women everywhere swooned!
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Sylvester Stallone
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He's Rocky, he's Rambo.
Sly absolutely
sells it. He not only sells it, he pushes it past the
limit all the time. The bad ass's bad ass,
he's my personal favorite (over Arnold) and he's
still got it and still making great movies. I loved
the latest Rambo and the latest Rocky. He's got the
Hero market cornered. Every time
you see him, you think DAMN! But it's not just how strong he is,
it's what he does with it that counts.
When Rocky won, we all won. The
underdog action movie of all time: A hero so unassuming, so likeable.
From
the brutal alternate one-arm push-ups to the cross-city runs, to
punching sides of beef, Rocky brought out in the inner champion
in all of us—Some raw eggs, a grey sweatsuit, a little early
morning determination, and we think we could all walk the walk. Everyone identifies with his desire to be somebody.
The workouts in
Rocky IV made me realize I don't
need to pay for a gym, I can drag a log, or lift rocks. He's so BAD
ASS, he doesn't even need equipment to work out. He has muscles on
his muscles.
Nobody beats
Stallone but Stallone. As Rambo, he takes the fighter to
another level. He's our American ninja. The
hero's hero. Competent and fearless to the nth degree. He can
make do with whatever he has. By the time
you realize he snuck up on you, you're already dead.
When he emerged
from that wall of mud in Rambo: First Blood Part II, he cemented his place in
action movie freakdom! Where others
have failed, he gets the job done by himself. He's
the soldier every man would like to be: strong, resourceful, brave, loyal, honest,
and vicious.
He set his own wound on fire in Rambo III.
If you saw it, I don't need to say anything more. But I want to.
In Get Carter when he says "You're a big man,
but you're in bad shape. With me it's a full time job."
It's scary.
Truer words were never spoken, and it shows.
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Jean-Claude Van Damme
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Yeah, he made action movies.
I put him on here just because he made so many. If you can
tell me any good ones, I might watch them again and
re-consider. Well, maybe Cyborg.
Who can complain about hot guys grunting and
growling?! He gets an "A+" for ability and effort, but if
he's selling it, I'm not buying. There's just
something not manly enough about him. Too polished and too
well groomed?
I don't think it's necessarily because
he speaks French (yeah I know he's the Muscles from
Brussels) but to me French sounds very 'girly man'. (Christopher Lambert
of Highlander, that's another story.
When he growls in Greystoke . . . "UH!" monkey grunt "Ee wuz my favaaaa!")
(Luc Besson redeems the French for me with his
Taxi and Transporter series.).
Van Damme bottom line: not so much.
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Wesley Snipes
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"Never send a boy to do a
man's job." Wesley's physicality in his
roles is truly impressive. Even before the Blade
series, he was a force to behold. His training
in martial arts shows in all his moves. With
fluidity and physical grace, he makes it all seem
easy; a comic book hero come to life right off
the page. He has a great voice too and underplays
his abilities, making him seem all the more the bad ass.
Like a snake ready to strike, motionless but with
intent, he just looks downright dangerous.
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Topping the Leather bikini category
in every woman's fantasy
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Dolph Lundgren
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I may never forget the first time I saw Dolph Lundgren on screen. Glowering his way
as "Venz" through A View To A Kill, for me, he brought the movie to a
halt. Who was that?! He's too pretty to be taken seriously, but
with a body like that, don't tell him that to his face. He vill break
you. Despite his amazing good looks, he's had an impressive action movie career.
Check out
AllOuttaBubbleGum.com's breakdown of Universal Soldier:
Regeneration.
Can't wait to see him in The
Expendables, although after seeing him in this "He Man" get up
from Masters of the Universe, I'm good.
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Vin Diesel
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The shower scene from The Chronicles of Riddick was sPECtacular!
Nobody seems to give Vin enough credit. I get tired of hearing he can't act.
Like hell he can't. It's not like the ladies care anyway. If he were any
sexier, there'd be pandemonium (like this!)
Growl, baby, growl.
I think he moved through Riddick with runaway intensity. "If you can't
keep up, don't step up." The characters he's been best at aren't
complicated. Isn't that what action movies are all about? You have to be
convincing, believable, to be the kind of bad ass he's been. He doesn't
walk, he struts, he stalks, he sizzles. Sexuality crackles off this man.
In Pitch Black, he was the anti-hero they were all afraid of, but
who they looked to to save them. The intensity of his presence
carries his movies. He was the biggest reason for the success of the
Fast and Furious series. He seems down to earth but a little scary,
like your neighborhood tough guy. His deep voice and devastating physique command
attention, even when he whispers. He seems to measure out his
performance with masterful control. Silent and deadly, his is not a thinking man's part—So much the better! As Roseanne
said to Fabio (I mean Dan, starting @6:30) "Don't talk."
"Aaaah . . . the Riddick!" |
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Gerard Butler
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300 didn't just put
Gerard Butler on the action-figure map, it put him on the map
with a Krispy-Kreme-HOT-NOW-red-neon sign. This
movie is the greatest beefcake buffet of all time.
It's like your plate just gets fuller and fuller and
at the end of the movie, it's still overflowing, but
they were so busy piling on, you forgot to eat.
I see and heard the physiques were enhanced with
spray on (at left) and digital
effects. That's just jealousy talking, and
who cares!? It's also been called homo-erotic. Gay
men weren't the only ones who liked it! It was
a reality check anyway, the
no-you're-not-in-good-enough-shape-to-be-this-for-Halloween
realization for the average guy. Magnum
(P.I.) and Putty (from Seinfeld) come to mind as the beefy
version of the average-Joe type
that illustrates Gerard's appeal. He's not so pretty, but he
is ruggedly handsome. This movie got even better for
me when Tom Wisdom as Astinos came on and satisfied
my Keanu Reeves craving. Women should watch this
every day to even out the b.s. from men looking at
girlie magazines. (Now maybe you know how it feels.)
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"I only need to know one thing
. . . where they are!"
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Jenette Goldstein
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Too seldom (can you think of
another?) are women with muscles used in film. (Red Sonja,
that's your suggestion? Keep thinking.) Jenette Goldstein
as
Private Vasquez from Aliens is a no-bullshit woman but she's still
feminine in the best way: she's HOT! You can say whatever you
want about her muscles, they're just a bonus.
And what a plus being physically capable is. She talks the talk
and walks the walk: She's cocky, but she's brave as hell.
HUDSON: "Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
VASQUEZ: "No, have you?"
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Special ACTION FIGURES Category:
WRESTLERS
Until I saw The Marine I didn't think an action movie starring a pretty wrestler could be ugly, but this movie was three explosions and
John Cena not being able to walk straight. As mediocre, drawn out, and predictable as
The Condemned starring "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was, it was at least watchable because there was some
GREAT action! The following wrestlers, happily, kick ass off screen and on!
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DWAYNE The Rock JOHNSON
in The Scorpion King
"I may be a king, but I'm a wrestler first." |
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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
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After The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King,
and The Rundown, we expected BIG things. BIG
(he's taller than Arnold)! Walking
Tall was good, but too bad
DOOM was so poorly written: The Rock and Karl Urban, and they still couldn't make it work.
The Rock has charisma in buckets!
I was glad to see him stretching to do a role like he did in Be Cool
(the sequel to Get Shorty), but I was fairly certain the
people making the movie were
making fun of him. And even though he went along with it, it still
smacked of jealousy and trying (unsuccessfully) to make him look
bad. All I can tell you is I can watch him smack his ass in the
mirror all day. And when they got to the end and he did his native
dancing—(IS THERE anything hotter? Not for me!!)—it
seemed like they threw that in there just because they knew he was
so egotistical he'd go for it. Casting him in that role, and
using the fact that the character is gay as bait (like it was an
acting challenge), just seemed like Hollywood
set him up and was laughing at
him. Well Fuck You Hollywood. He's The Rock! The Director
of Walking Tall must not have liked him either. They banished
him to his own commentary. Yep. All by himself. He does come across
as egotistical, and based on his comments I can see why he might have
been a pain in the butt to work with, but, he was learning. Y'all are
just haters. Women love him, kids love him. Come on people,
write something worthy of him! We want to see more! He paid his
action and acting dues. If he tried and failed to go in the leading man
direction, so be it. All I want to see him do is action anyway. So,
please, no more kiddie movies. |
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Jesse "The
Body" Ventura
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Jesse "The Body" Ventura is the PREDATOR Bad Ass!
He speaks one of the most classic action movie bad-ass lines:
"I ain't got time to bleed!"
Maybe it's the swagger, maybe it's the dimple in his chin, maybe
it's the moustache (no, it's not the moustache), maybe it's everything. Jesse is the G.I. Joe
doll come to life. The chauvinist's chauvinist. There isn't a lot to his role in this movie, and he's
not on screen that much, but he has a commanding
presence and really adds a silent strength and force
to the group. When he says "I ain't got time
to bleed" and is asked "You got time to duck?" you
half expect he doesn't and won't, and will still come out
of it okay.
He also played "Captain Freedom" in
The Running Man. |
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"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
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They Live featured the best fight scene
(since The Quiet Man with John Wayne) and the best action movie line ever.
If you haven't seen it, get back to me when you have.
The movie spawned a video game: Duke Nukem. Sadly, hoped for a
Part 2 of They Live that never came. This movie is, deservedly, a cult classic, and earned Rowdy Roddy
a place of honor here on the Action Figures list . . .
Check out this website: AllOuttaBubbleGum.com.
Their
action movie breakdowns are hilarious!
follow them on twitter: @AllOuttaBG |
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THE WHINER
No really great action movie is complete without The Whiner.
Someone to explain when you're in some "real pretty shit".
Their antics make light of a situation when everyone
(you included) is pooping-in-their-pants afraid, and
they forego all semblance of dignity. Being heroic is
always the farthest thing from their mind and the
last thing on their lips.
The worse their situation is the more you laugh at their (and your likely) inability to deal with it. That guy would be
us, and that's why we laugh.
Here are some of the best Whiners, ever:
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Bill Paxton
as Private Hudson in ALIENS
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#1 on the list of course! His cocky attitude
in the beginning made his taking a crap later all the funnier. He's
scared out of his mind. Of course he is. You are too,
but he's not afraid to show it. His way of dealing
with it is wise-ass humor. Has being totally fucked ever been
funnier?
"Well, that's great. That's just fuckin' great,
man! Now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We're
in some real pretty shit now, man." |
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Richard Chavez
as Poncho Ramirez in PREDATOR
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The
first crew is found skinned alive. The big guys are scared and
they're being picked off by something unseen. How do you think the
little guy feels? Then, he gets wounded. Oh, he SO does not want to get
left behind! Would you?
"I can make it! I can make it!" |
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Leland Orser
as
Larry Purvis in ALIEN RESURRECTION
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The bigger the crap they take,
the funnier it is. This poor slob falls into the
world of Alien Resurrection to find out he was infected in his cryosleep. Talk about your waking nightmares! Then
they have to try to explain it to him.
According to Wikipedia: "Roger Ebert of the
Chicago Sun-Times felt: 'There is not a
single shot in the movie to fill one with wonder,[1]"
I disagree! Leland Orser's fear-filled face is
easily one of the best action movie moments ever. But more about how
wrong critics were about this movie in a different
place.
"What's in-fucking-side me?"
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Kevin J. O'Connor
as Joey Pantucci in DEEP RISING
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Kevin J. O'Connor played the same type of character
well in The Mummy. If you've never watched this movie, watch it
just for him.
"The Girl From Ipanema" |
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NEWCOMERS
Who To Watch . . . (this list is even younger)
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Channing Tatum |
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He has danced [Step Up and Step Up 2: The Streets]
and fought [Fighting] his way into the
hearts of every teenage girl. He's more often been a leading man than an action star, but his roles in
G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, and Parkour and Knockout (as a black
ops super soldier)
(both coming soon) are sure to make him the brightest star on the action movie horizon, even
though he's also doing other dramatic and romantic roles. He seems
to have a quiet demeanor and this compliments his attractiveness. He's
not cocky and in your face and that makes you want to find out more;
gives him some mystery. Being able to dance and fight speaks
volumes for his talent. It's rare that someone does both so well. The
All-American blonde look has never been better represented. He's got all
of Robert Redford's appeal plus physicality, and is better looking than
Brad Pitt (I may be the only female who doesn't think that Brad hung the
moon).
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Taylor Lautner
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 Shark
Boy grows up! Just
17 years old, already super-popular Taylor Lautner became an 'overnight' international sensation through the
Twilight movies. Team Jacob! You
could almost see him age for real in the movie: from
16 to 17, from a boy to a super buff wolfman. the blush on the rose
and any baby fat he might have had transformed into a chiseled body
right before your eyes. After the un-shirting in the sequel The Twilight Saga: New Moon
that left girls and women the world over swooning, his
display of his martial arts training and true
physical prowess on Saturday Night Live (link to video embedded in a Huffington Post article), and
the lead in the upcoming action movie Max Steel,
the world is Taylor's.
He seems to have an inclination toward
action, so we hope that he chooses well and that he's offered choice
roles. Maybe he would be THE all-time best Batman!!
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Jong Ji-hoon aka "Rain"
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The hottie hunk of Speed Racer and Ninja Assassin (pictured at left),
Rain's grace and speed were only part of a total
package. In Ninja Asssassin, standing still he commanded as much
attention as when he fought. And what a dazzling
array of abilities: hand-to-hand fights, knives,
swords, and a kusarigama. With a little parkour
thrown in, it was hard to keep up with the action.
An astonishingly impressive first action movie showing, and one hell of an
action flick! "Please sir, can I have some
MORE . . . "
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Jack Tu
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Reported as Jackie
Chan's successor, Jack Tu stars in the martial arts
movie The Forgotten Jewel.
He is the lead in the parkour movie Tropical
Tornado. The winner of a national talent search show called
Disciple, Jack Tu was chosen by Jackie Chan after an extended and
rigorous audition process: "We experienced war, Chinese
ancient drama, science fiction, and boats, water, explosions, car
crashing, jumping off buildings. We also experienced all the movie
stunts that Jackie has done in his past movies. He said that in two
or three months, it compacted what he has done in ten years."
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HALF and HALF
Part Action Figure, part Regular Joe. They've got the bad half of big 'n' bad, but not the big.
Muscular, yes, but even when they are doing seemingly impossible physical feats, their physicality and stature seems attainable.
With just a little extra training, maybe we could get there. We expect the Action Figure to do all these things, but when these
guys do it, it's considerably more impressive.
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Steven Seagal |
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The Master! Steven Seagal . . . Bone-crackin' trash talkin' at its
most entertaining! The essence of action movies in ultra-in-your-face
form. A few drops of a Seagal movie is more than fun
than other whole movies. The most entertaining
action movie actor out there. If he walks into a
room, it's deep shit. He really doesn't need weapons
although he sure knows how to use them, and can make
up some of his own. He'll beat the crap out of you, help you up,
then smack you on the back of the head. It still hurts my face every
time I watch this scene.
His movies have SO MANY great
one-liners, where do you begin? "Let me do it my way. Just give me an
unmarked and a shotgun." This'll get your teeth knocked out: "You wanna get by me? There's only two things stopping you. Beer and common sense."
Ask R. Lee Ermey:
"He's the kind of guy who'd drink a gallon of gasoline
so he can piss in your campfire. You could drop this guy off
at the Arctic Circle wearing bikini underwear, without his toothbrush
and tomorrow afternoon he's gonna show up at your poolside with a million-dollar smile
and a fistful of pesos." (Come on!
If you've got R. Lee Ermey talking about you, it
doesn't get more bad-ass than that!) (And if you had to
click on that link to find out who R. Lee Ermey is— get off my site!)
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Tom Cruise
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My endless love for Tom Cruise
began when he appeared briefly in the Brooke Shields
movie Endless Love (1981) playing soccer. I remember
thinking: "To hell with this story, let's follow that guy!"
(<--special thanks to whomever put together this montage)
Tom is always in great shape and
does a lot of his own stunt work. His body of work
is impressive and I would say he was the next
generation's Burt Reynolds: attractive and average
enough to be a leading man, yet physical enough to
sell the action scenes. If you're a true Cruise fan, you saw every
one of these movies (list goes up to "Eyes Wide Shut")—and
thought they were all good!
Taps (1981)
The Outsiders (1983)
Losin' It (1983)
Risky Business (1983)
All the Right Moves (1983)
Legend (1985) (in which he looked painfully beautiful)
Top Gun (1986)
The Color of Money (1986)
Cocktail (1988)
Young Guns (1988)
Rain Man (1988)
Born on the Fourth of July (1989)
Days of Thunder (1990)
Far and Away (1992)
The Firm (1993)
Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)
Mission: Impossible (1996)
Jerry Maguire (1996)
I believe Tom Cruise is underappreciated because people think he IS the role he
most often portrays (a cocky
asshole) in real life, and therefore he is not acting. This is
unfortunate because his performances are so
enjoyable, and he deserves credit for that. Think it was easy to bark "I want
the truth!" at Jack Nicholson? "[He eats]
breakfast 300 yards away from 4,000 Cubans who are
trained to kill [him]." If only Tom didn't
seem so damned pleased with himself maybe we'd like
the person/actor more, but then we wouldn't love the
characters so much . . .
Joel•Maverick•Vincent•Brian•Cole Trickle•Lt. Daniel Kaffee•Ethan Hunt•Jerry Maguire
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Continuing the list . . . It IS impressive. Come on!! Give the man some credit!
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Magnolia (1999)
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Vanilla Sky (2001)
Minority Report (2002)
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
The Last Samurai (2003) (Love the long-haired Tom!)
Collateral (2004)
War of the Worlds (2005)
Mission: Impossible III (2006)
Lions for Lambs (2007)
Tropic Thunder (2008)
Valkyrie (2008)
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Jackie Chan
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Jackie Chan made a younger generation love martial arts movies. If you
didn't already love 'kung fu' movies because of Bruce Lee, then you probably went back to have a
look after you saw Jackie Chan. When his first movies came to American cinema, we all watched with
our mouths open. The helicopter drop into the frozen lake, the building-to-building jumps, fights with
things like a shopping cart: it's a long list. It all seemed impossible to believe he did
those things until we saw the misses and practice, and injuries, on the outtakes. Rush
Hour paid homage Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder and the
combination of action and comedy has never been better than Jackie and
Chris. And he's so
lovable! Maybe it's the smile or just some inner goodness that shines through. Even when Chris Tucker
is aggravating the hell out of him, he keeps his cool. What I find so funny is that even with
the fact that he's in perfect shape, can do all these incredible moves and twist himself this way
and that, when he tried to dance, he was awkward. Compared to Chris Tucker pretty much everyone's
awkward at dancing, still... "how difficult is that?"
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Jet Li
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Mr. Li was dropped in our movie-going laps like a hot coal, smoldering his
way through Lethal Weapon 4, you knew that someone
was going to get hurt (please make it Mel Gibson!) and they were. He's as intense as Jackie Chan seems sweet. Whatever
character Jet Li plays, you are always a little afraid. Even in Romeo Must Die, which was a 180-degree turnaround from LW4, bad guy to good guy, he
had a presence of danger (and sexuality). He seems a little evil, a little kinky. His only bad movies
were just not worthy of him; he's been good in everything he did. Watch for him in
The Expendables,
also starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Dolph
Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture.
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Jason Statham
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 A mean machine alright. He's tightly coiled and ready to spring into action. If action movies were coffee, he'd be espresso—all
that heat contained by a steely cool exterior that makes you want to push buttons just to set him off. Break the rules! Open the package! He's not overly built, he's perfectly built.
In a suit, he could be just another guy, like you.
Yeah, you could do all that—not!
You just think you can 'cause he makes it look easy, and stays
cool, calm, and collected.
If he can do all that when he's under control, when he's pissed
you know anything's possible.
He moved past the thug roles to the James Bond type with The
Transporter series and back
to the thug. I'm sure his career will survive Crank: High Voltage,
but I wish I could forget the image of his nasty hairy ass crack . . .
Too much guys, too much!(This Brando-esque photo
is all the proof you need that you can dress up the action figure.)
He has the bad boy appeal, but only the charm is boyish, the rest is all man.
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Karl Urban
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 Karl's career
has been a succession of really interesting and fun parts. He has looked
very different in most of his roles but none as impressive as he was in
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers as Eomer. Not since
Interview With The Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles have so many
gorgeous long-haired men been on screen, but he took the cake. He was
hilarious and scruffy in Ghost Ship, majestic in The LOTR
Series, "flawless" as Vaako in The Chronicles of Riddick, underutilized in the anticipated yet
disappointing Doom, heart-wrenching and vicious in Pathfinder,
and spot on as Bones in Star Trek.
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Sam Worthington
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 Cementing his place in action movie history as the
paraplegic hero of James Cameron's CGI epic Avatar, Sam Worthington also played
John Connor in Terminator: Salvation
and thank God he did because Christian Bale was busy ruining it! (link is a parody) He's on quite a roll as he is also starring in Clash of the Titans!
Maybe it's just his look with a crewcut but he has a very everyman face. I mean
that in the best way: relatability. You're not distracted by his looks.
Of course, that could be a testament to his acting ability. Too many
times actors seem to play themselves. Sam disappears into the role.
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REGULAR JOES (and JANES)
Often, these characters find themselves in impossible situations and rise to the challenge. In shape, but not usually so,
they and their characters are often hugely popular because they are so relatable. For the female Action Figure, it may not be about
obvious strength, but more about agility and physical beauty. She doesn't have to be butch but she has to be beautiful and it has to be
believable.
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Nicolas Cage
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 There's almost nobody I enjoy watching more. The
timbre of his voice is so pleasing—he could be reciting the grocery list and I'm enraptured.
From as goofy as he was in Peggy Sue Got Married ("Lucky Chucky") to 'Mr. Slick' in Lord
of War, he's thoroughly entertaining and can't-take-your-eyes-off-him watchable. His delivery
in The Rock was so much fun it added to that roller-coaster-ride feeling, like you were on it with him.
Leading man and action star, he mixes it up better than anyone else. He's done a big variety of roles
and looked very different in a lot of them. You know he was impressive looking for Con Air! He's true
leading man material as his performance can carry a film, like in Bangkok Dangerous. Not that the
other actors aren't good too, it's just that what they do seems to add to him, not take away. It's
rare anyone can steal a scene from Cage (like Sammi Rotibi "Gun of Rambo" in Lord of War). He's very
'Bond' in his smoothness and charm, yet so down to earth and likeable: perfect example: Family Man.
After Gone in 60 Seconds, I hoped his career would go more toward action but he's done enough
that I included him here. He's hot, he's cool, he's Cage!
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Bruce Willis
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After Moonlighting, we loved Bruce Willis for Die
Hard. The do-it-yourself cop with the take-no-bullshit attitude. It's the adventure we
always dreamed of having: being the hero on your Christmas break. The wrench in the works, Bruce got
under Alan Rickman's skin like a bad rash. The cowboy taking out the Euro Trash. Yippe-ki-yay
mother fucker! We'd like to imagine we'd be this heroic if put in this situation.
He can be
forgiven for Hudson Hawk because the rest of the Die Hard series was really great, but when they say
things like "his face is unrecognizable" (The Jackal) you have to laugh, because Bruce is
stuck with the John McLane persona, like it or not, and a very distinct way of moving (in the shoulders)
and pursing his lips... To paraphrase a line from a Toby Keith song, he's "Not as
good as he once was, but he's as good, once, as he ever was." In other words, he'll be John McLane no
matter who they cast him as, and he'll never be as good. It's an
insult and a compliment.
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Milla Jovovich
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 Kate who? A face so
flawless, she'd be breathtaking even without hair. Milla! Wow, stunning! In the film The Fifth Element, she was female perfection, wearing only
straps for clothes. She dominated the screen in Resident Evil, which spawned three
sequels: Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction, and Resident Evil:
Afterlife (coming in 2011).
An unlikely action movie hero . . .
pale, slight, and slender, Milla is also fierce, savage, and lethal!
Hers is not the big-boobed, bleached-blonde,
artificiality of the every skank. Her vulnerability and
slenderness add to rather than take away from the persona: a
'normal' girl until she shows her power.
Milla
was so mesmerizing in her portrayal of Alice in Resident Evil that it's
impossible to imagine anyone else in the role:
the highest compliment. And as Ultraviolet,
she was a force of nature! If you could stop watching with your
mouth open long enough, you had to notice she was effective as hell in
those roles. Compare her to Linda Hamilton: Milla's proof you don't have
to look butch to kick ass.
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Ziyi Zhang (Zhang Ziyi)
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So beautiful yet so deadly. She stole the show in
Rush Hour 2. She was also devastating in Crouching Tiger
Hidden Dragon, Hero, and House of Flying Daggers. She played
the lead in Memoirs of a Geisha with Gong Li (Li Gong) and
Michelle Yeoh, alongside The Last Samuri's Ken Watanabe.
She is currently filming The Grand Master
(2011), the story of martial-arts master Ip Man, the man who trained Bruce Lee.
Woo-ping Yeun is the action choreographer.
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Michelle Yeoh
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Ye-oh-my-god! She
left such an indelible impression after Tomorrow
Never Dies (1997), it gave girls everywhere hope
of equality with men! There seemed to be nothing she
couldn't do. In Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
(2003) she was also so good that she could do
nothing else the rest of her career and still be an
action movie legend. She 'brought it' to the screen
and hacked it to pieces. |
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Carrie-Anne Moss
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Bring the smackdown,
Carrie. Admitting she had a hard time learning the
stunts on the DVD extras to The Matrix, Carrie-Anne
nevertheless perfected a fluidity of movement,
enhanced by slo-mo and shiny poly vinyl. Acrobatic
and graceful, Moss took the character of Trinity
beyond believability into the realm of a super
heroine. |
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Bridget Fonda
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Earning her place here for a savage
yet endearing performance in
Point of No Return, convincingly portraying a
girl pushed too far and what she's capable of (of what maybe anyone is,
with enough programming and training). It's her delicate features and
femininity that make it all the more devastating to watch her do those
things. Her intensity and concentration seem real. It delivers the
action movie excitement as effectively as any guy star's movie. (But
maybe you think I'm saying that just cause I'm a girl—Bite me!) |
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Geena Davis
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You know why . . .
The Long Kiss Goodnight. Geena is quite a
chameleon when it comes to roles and hasn't gotten
nearly enough credit for her talent. She is
completely believable in this real-life nightmare.
Her character's alter-ego is a contrast to what we
probably think Geena is in real life. That makes it
all the better. The script is great too. She's a
bad
mother! That's right! (Shut your mouth!) I can dig it! |
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'OLD' MEN
Not necessarily old men, but old-er . . .
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Burt Reynolds
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 My boy Burt. No one
young understands how big he was (how well liked,
how good looking, how much charisma and
record-shattering box office draw he had). You had to have lived through
it. The Cosmo issue
where he was the centerfold sold out in minutes on newstands.
No man had ever posed nude before. (He knew what women
wanted-him!). Before there was Robert Pattinson and Taylor
Lautner, there was Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, before
them, Robert Redford and Burt Reynolds. He's more of
a dramatic actor than an action star, but he helped
fuel the love of the genre because he always brought
excitement and action to his films (hear him say
so in his own words). Just so you can
appreciate the breadth of his career, he started on
TV with the Gunsmoke series (1955). He has 90
feature films to his credit, so I want to mention
just my favorites: There's the single role
he's most known for Deliverance (1972), and the type
of movie he's most know for: the Smokey and The Bandit
movies (1977,80, 83), Cannonball Run I
and II (1981, 84), and
Hooper (1978). I love all those, but I also loved him in
The End (1978),
Rough Cut (1980), Sharkey's Machine (1981),
Stick (1985) [filmed here in South Florida where legendary stuntman
Dar Robinson did a backwards fall while
shooting a gun off a condo in Fort Lauderdale—a stunt first done
for this movie (no net) (it came off as such a vicious thing to do: be on your way to
death and still be shooting); it was
copied later by other movies, including Trinity in the Matrix Reloaded (@1:29], Heat (1986),
Physical Evidence
and Breaking In (both from 1989), Cop and
˝ (1993) (co-starring a friend from high school Tom
Kouchalakos), and The Crew (2000).
Burt was also the first to show outtakes at the end
of a movie. It was so obvious they were having a
great time filming, and he knew we would love to see
that and wanted to share it. You just gotta love his
unique laugh (hear it at @1:28).
Shown here with two of the loves of his life. He said
later of leaving Sally Field for Loni Anderson that
he traded a diamond for a rhinestone. How big was Burt? He turned down James Bond and Die Hard.
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Clint Eastwood
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What do
you say about a man with such a body of work!? Going
back to the early days of the Italian films and
'spaghetti westerns', he was just this lanky
good-looking actor who downplayed the emotional side
of acting. We came to love him for this. Shoot first
and shut the hell up. The man with no name. Then the
Dirty Harry character came along and it was like
adding Raiders to Star Wars for Harrison Ford, we
already loved Clint, but this made us love him more.
Then the fighting movies with the orangutan. How to
take it to the next level! Instead of just shooting
his way through shit, he started brawling. It gave
me new respect for him as an actor, as a man. He
wasn't that young either to be playing that role, and
that made it all the better. Made him a tough guy
legend. Then he started directing. It was like
coming full circle when he made Unforgiven. An ode
of love to the western, for which he won Best
Director and Best Picture. Often imitated (I think
David Caruso is trying to be Eastwood behind those
sunglasses) but never with the same impact. The
calm, deadly, silent strength and tall good looks
were a unique combination. There's no one like him.
He made his own brand of 'cool'. |
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Sean Connery
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A Scotsman.
Everyone's favorite James Bond. He and singer Tom
Jones ruled the world at one time. Seems like the
other Bonds just played the part. He embodied it.
His distinctive voice and self assurance were half
of his appeal, the rest good looks and his acting
ability. From this legendary early role, his career
only added to his larger-than-life persona. My
favorites are all the Bond movies but especially Live
and Let Die, The Wind and The Lion, The Man Who
Would be King, The Great Train Robbery, Outland, The
Untouchables, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade,
and The Hunt for Red October. It didn't
matter what his age was. He pulled it off! His action movie 'cred' brings such
strength to a movie. For example, The Rock. Who do
you get when you need a bad ass who's been locked
up for 30 years? "John Patrick Mason, General Sir."
"Swords for $400." LOL
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Robert Shaw
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Robert Shaw was my favorite actor. My
favorite roles of his are From Russia With Love
(1963), The Sting (1973), The Taking of
Pelham One Two Three (1974), Jaws (1975), Swashbuckler
(1976),
The Deep (1977), and Force 10 From
Navarone (1978). A man's man, and an Englishman. A great voice and
in-charge presence. He stole the show in Jaws.
He re-wrote the Indianapolis monologue and the final version was done in
one take. A lot of what was great about "Quint"
in Jaws was all Robert. You know you loved him! Tragically, he died at 51.
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Watching "kung fu" movies and
making fun of the dubbed sound not matching the lip
movements is a really common joke, which drives home
the fact that language was no barrier to the
enjoyment and popularity of these movies. While we
made fun, we LOVED it! And Bruce Lee (who would have
been even bigger in fame had he lived—we can
only imagine)—CREATED my idea of the bad ass.
These movies made us hungry for more, and along came . . . .
