The Action Movie BAD ASS

You know who they are.  Either they are the show or they steal the show, like James Remar as "Ganz" in 48 HOURS.  Eddie Murphy, Nick Nolte?  I don't think so. Ganz was the BAD ASS star of that movie!  You may have gone to see it because you were a Nick Nolte and/or Eddie Murphy fan, but when you came out, you were a James Remar fan!  Did I mention, I'm a girl? No surprise Remar showed up on Sex and the City as one of Samantha's boyfriends.

So, let's break them down into categories, 'cause the BAD ASS comes in all shapes and sizes:

• ACTION FIGURES
• THE WHINER
• HALF & HALF
• REGULAR JOES (and Janes)
• OLD MEN
• And watch for these NEWCOMERS!

The Whiner? Yep! The Whiner is the complement to the action movie bad ass. The speck of green that makes the red so much more powerful.  All the really good action movies have them, and in the great ones, they steal the show. That's why I have them here with the Bad Asses: for how can you truly appreciate bravery without cowardice? They are the yin to the bad ass yang.

ARNOLD as Conan The Barbarian
Maybe the beefcake movie of all time!  Still a great Saturday afternoon matinee movie.  Leather bikini!
 

Action Movie HISTORY
Before I start, I have to list these two men because watching their movies infected me with action movie fever. They are ridiculously legendary, so I'll keep it brief, but they should be in their own category for making the genre what it is.

Bruce Lee
Watching "kung fu" movies and making fun of the dubbed sound not matching the lip movements is a really common joke, which drives home the fact that language was no barrier to the enjoyment and popularity of these movies. While we made fun, we LOVED it! And Bruce Lee (who would have been even bigger in fame had he lived—we can only imagine)—CREATED my idea of the bad ass. These movies made us hungry for more, and along came . . . .

Chuck Norris
Everyone knows Chuck Norris is the BADDEST MAN ON THE PLANET.
I'm sure you've heard the one liners. Pick a site: The Chuck Norris Facts.com or Chuck Norris Facts.com  They're all so funny, it's hard to pick a favorite, but I love "If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down." I feel really lucky to have seen most of his movies in theaters when they came out.  He is THE MAN!

The first honoree in the first Action Movie Festival ActionFest! They showed Braddock: Missing in Action III and Mr. Norris's favorite Code of Silence, and put a quote on the back of their official shirt: "If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you." It was great to hear him tell about his early martial arts training and matches against Bruce Lee (on and off the screen). He's a hero in real life too, giving back with his inspiring and effective Kick Start Program.

Selling it is a smaller part of the game because when you look this good, we're already buying. There's a "holy crap" factor to the Action Figure's physique. They look like they could really get the job done, and nothing is more convincing than real muscles. These guys don't need rubber suits with fake muscles. Hey now! (Grrrrrrrr!)

With the Action Figure, so much of the movie's success rests on their ability to be that hero, it's hard to separate them from the role afterward. Not enough credit is given because they are in such great shape, as if being in great shape is too much credit already, and the 'action'—the performance of such magnificent physical feats is equally underappreciated. Too often dismissed and not considered serious acting roles, action movie heroes should instead be doubly awarded. Not only are they talking the talk, they're walking the walk!

The Action Figure is the figure everyone wants to have, or to have their way with: You follow their every move, immersed in their intensity. There are no stunts, no doubles, just the character fighting their way out of another impossible situation—disbelief was suspended, and then completely forgotten along the way. Take The Chronicles of Riddick for example: In the fight scene when the Necromongers catch up to Riddick on Crematoria, Vin Diesel does a flying double-bladed decapitation! C'mon! He totally cut that guy's head off—there were no special effects! (see what I mean?) Cutting more than a fantastic figure, they cut their way through everything, or like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in The Rundown, punch their way through a brick post.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

He's Rocky, he's Rambo.  Sly absolutely sells it.  He not only sells it, he pushes it past the limit all the time. The bad ass's bad ass, he's my personal favorite (over Arnold) and he's still got it and still making great movies. I loved the latest Rambo and the latest Rocky. He's got the Hero market cornered. Every time you see him, you think DAMN!  But it's not just how strong he is, it's what he does with it that counts.

When Rocky won, we all won. The underdog action movie of all time: A hero so unassuming, so likeable. From the brutal alternate one-arm push-ups to the cross-city runs, to punching sides of beef, Rocky brought out in the inner champion in all of us—Some raw eggs, a grey sweatsuit, a little early morning determination, and we think we could all walk the walk. Everyone identifies with his desire to be somebody. The workouts in Rocky IV made me realize I don't need to pay for a gym, I can drag a log, or lift rocks.  He's so BAD ASS, he doesn't even need equipment to work out.  He has muscles on his muscles. 

Nobody beats Stallone but Stallone. As Rambo, he takes the fighter to another level. He's our American ninja. The hero's hero. Competent and fearless to the nth degree. He can make do with whatever he has. By the time you realize he snuck up on you, you're already dead. When he emerged from that wall of mud in Rambo: First Blood Part II, he cemented his place in action movie freakdom!  Where others have failed, he gets the job done by himself. He's the soldier every man would like to be: strong, resourceful, brave, loyal, honest, and vicious. He set his own wound on fire in Rambo III.  If you saw it, I don't need to say anything more.  But I want to. In Get Carter when he says "You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me it's a full time job." It's scary. Truer words were never spoken, and it shows.

Tony Jaa

As if he wasn't already insanely great at everything he does (watch this), Tony Jaa took a flight of fantasy with the Ong-bak series and wowed even the toughest audience who might never have seen his other movies. Ong bak 2, which he also co-directed, features a series of fights with different weapons, in different styles, that showcases his skills (eyes rolling back in my head) to sick levels! It's one thing to be good at one or two martial arts (some spend a lifetime). Jaa appears to be invincible and a master of everything you can think of, and some you haven't like fighting off an elephant. Yep, that's what I said. Might have helped that his parents were elephant herders, so dispense your concern over the elephants appearing in the movie as 'actors'. Everyone knows you don't mess with an elephant, they'll stomp your ass if you treat them badly, and considering Tony Jaa's skills, an elephant stomping might be less painful. And that's an 8-pack, at right, from the Enter The Dragon remake, in case you haven't seen one before! Check the veins! Go watch any Tony Jaa movie before you open your mouth about him being third on my list.

Yeah, he made action movies.  I put him on here just because he made so many.  If you can tell me any good ones, I might watch them again and re-consider.  Well, maybe Cyborg. Who can complain about hot guys grunting and growling?!  He gets an "A+" for ability and effort, but if he's selling it, I'm not buying.  There's just something not manly enough about him. Too polished and too well groomed?

I don't think it's necessarily because he speaks French (yeah I know he's the Muscles from Brussels) but to me French sounds very 'girly man'. (Christopher Lambert of Highlander, that's another story.  When he growls in Greystoke . . .  "UH!" monkey grunt "Ee wuz my favaaaa!") (Luc Besson redeems the French for me with his Taxi and Transporter series.).

Van Damme bottom line: not so much.

"Never send a boy to do a man's job."  Wesley's physicality in his roles is truly impressive. Even before the Blade series, he was a force to behold.  His training in martial arts shows in all his moves. With fluidity and physical grace, he makes it all seem easy; a comic book hero come to life right off the page. He has a great voice too and underplays his abilities, making him seem all the more the bad ass. Like a snake ready to strike, even motionless but with intent, he just looks downright dangerous.

Dolph Lundgren

I may never forget the first time I saw Dolph Lundgren on screen. Glowering his way as "Venz" through A View To A Kill, for me, he brought the movie to a halt. Who was that?! He's too pretty to be taken seriously, but with a body like that, don't tell him that to his face. He vill break you. Despite his amazing good looks, he's had an impressive action movie career.

Check out AllOuttaBubbleGum.com's breakdown of Universal Soldier: Regeneration.

As good as he looked in this get up from Masters of the Universe, he still looked good in The Expendables. When you got it, you got it.

At left: Dolph topping the leather bikini category in every woman's fantasy

The shower scene from The Chronicles of Riddick was sPECtacular!

Nobody seems to give Vin enough credit. I get tired of hearing he can't act. Like hell he can't. It's not like the ladies care anyway. If he were any sexier, there'd be pandemonium (like this!) Growl, baby, growl.

I think he moved through Riddick with runaway intensity. "If you can't keep up, don't step up." The characters he's been best at aren't complicated. Isn't that what action movies are all about? You have to be convincing, believable, to be the kind of bad ass he's been. He doesn't walk, he struts, he stalks, he sizzles. Sexuality crackles off this man.

In Pitch Black, he was the anti-hero they were all afraid of, but who they looked to to save them. The intensity of his presence carries his movies. He was the biggest reason for the success of the Fast and Furious series. He seems down to earth but a little scary, like your neighborhood tough guy. His deep voice and devastating physique command attention, even when he whispers. He seems to measure out his performance with masterful control. Silent and deadly, his is not a thinking man's part—So much the better!  As Roseanne said to Fabio (I mean Dan, starting @6:30) "Don't talk."

"Aaaah . . . the Riddick!"

300 didn't just put Gerard Butler on the action-figure map, it put him on the map with a Krispy-Kreme-HOT-NOW-red-neon sign. This movie is the greatest beefcake buffet of all time. It's like your plate just gets fuller and fuller and at the end of the movie, it's still overflowing, but they were so busy piling on, you forgot to eat. I see and heard the physiques were enhanced with spray on (at left) and digital effects. That's just jealousy talking, and who cares!? It's also been called homo-erotic. Gay men weren't the only ones who liked it!  It was a reality check anyway, the no-you're-not-in-good-enough-shape-to-be-this-for-Halloween realization for the average guy. Magnum (P.I.) and Putty (from Seinfeld) come to mind as the beefy version of the average-Joe type that illustrates Gerard's appeal. He's not so pretty, but he is ruggedly handsome. This movie got even better for me when Tom Wisdom as Astinos came on and satisfied my Keanu Reeves craving. Women should watch this every day to even out the b.s. from men looking at girlie magazines. (Now maybe you know how it feels.)

Lucky action movie freaks who attended Actionfest 2010 were treated to a double shot of Marko Zaror. He was there to promote Mandrill and Undisputed III: Redemption with Director Isaac Florentine and Stunt Coordinator Larnell Stovall. I have often wondered if action movie actors are also action movie freaks and love the movies as much as we do. Marko Zaror is definitely the BIGGEST action movie freak. He's a huge Bruce Lee fan and the whole tongue-in-cheek treatment of the lead character (mandrill means baboon) is such a tribute to the action movie hero that you couldn't help but love it, and love him.  He gets it. All of it.  He gives it back too in performances with amazing physicality and charm.  It's not an exaggeration to say he's 'wildly' entertaining. Don't miss anything with him in it. I hope to see more and soon.

"I only need to know one thing
. . . where they are!"

Too seldom (can you think of another?) are women with muscles used in film. (Red Sonja, that's your suggestion? Keep thinking.) Jenette Goldstein
as Private Vasquez from Aliens is a no-bullshit woman but she's still feminine in the best way: she's HOT! You can say whatever you want about her muscles, they're just a bonus. And what a plus being physically capable is. She talks the talk and walks the walk:  She's cocky, but she's brave as hell.

HUDSON:    "Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"

VASQUEZ:   "No, have you?"

Special ACTION FIGURES Category: WRESTLERS
Until I saw The Marine I didn't think an action movie starring a pretty wrestler could be ugly, but this movie was three explosions and John Cena not being able to walk straight. As predictable as The Condemned starring "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was (the tag line was "10 people will fight . . . 9 will die" guess that takes suspense off the table), it was enjoyable because there was some GREAT fight scenes! The following wrestlers, happily, kick ass off screen and on!

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson 

After The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, and The Rundown, we expected BIG things.  BIG (he's taller than Arnold)! Walking Tall was good, but too bad DOOM was so poorly written: The Rock and Karl Urban, and they still couldn't make it work.

The Rock has charisma in buckets! I was glad to see him stretching to do a role like he did in Be Cool (the sequel to Get Shorty), but I was fairly certain the people making the movie were making fun of him. And even though he went along with it, it still smacked of jealousy and trying (unsuccessfully) to make him look bad. All I can tell you is I can watch him smack his ass in the mirror all day. And when they got to the end and he did his native dancing—(IS THERE anything hotter? Not for me!!)—it seemed like they threw that in there just because they knew he was so egotistical he'd go for it. Casting him in that role, and using the fact that the character is gay as bait (like it was an acting challenge), just seemed like Hollywood set him up and was laughing at him. Well Fuck You Hollywood. He's The Rock! The Director of Walking Tall must not have liked him either. They banished him to his own commentary. Yep. All by himself. He does come across as egotistical, and based on his comments I can see why he might have been a pain in the butt to work with, but, he was learning. Y'all are just haters. Women love him, kids love him.  Come on people, write something worthy of him! We want to see more! He paid his action and acting dues. If he tried and failed to go in the leading man direction, so be it. All I want to see him do is action anyway. So, please, no more kiddie movies.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin

Steve Austin is slowly invading the action movie world and I hope to see more of him. The epitome of the strong-and-silent type, he may need a voice coach to help his career but he's really likeable and fun to watch. From a small part in the remake of The Longest Yard, he began making movies that were Steve Austin vehicles, until he accepted a small part in the ultra-boy-club The Expendables. Looks like he'll be pulling the hero heart strings in 2011 with a movie called The Boxer and The Kid. Whatever he winds up doing, I'd love to see him as a pirate, and a patriot! It would be fun to see him with the other big baldie Vin Diesel, and doing anything military in a uniform. I think he would probably be better as a villain, but with the right roles, and a little more attitude, I think he could have a really huge action career. You can't help but like him. He's part The Thing, part Mr. Clean (sans earring), part All-American. He better hurry up, though, he's 46 . . . He'd make a great Lex Luther. They tend to cast way too ordinary people as comic book heroes for my taste (read my Anti-Scrawny Rant.)

Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Jesse "The Body" Ventura is the PREDATOR Bad Ass!
He speaks one of the most classic action movie bad-ass lines:
"I ain't got time to bleed!" 
Maybe it's the swagger, maybe it's the dimple in his chin, maybe it's the moustache (no, it's not the moustache), maybe it's everything. Jesse is the G.I. Joe doll come to life. The chauvinist's chauvinist. There isn't a lot to his role in this movie, and he's not on screen that much, but he has a commanding presence and really adds a silent strength and force to the group.  When he says "I ain't got time to bleed" and is asked "You got time to duck?" you half expect he doesn't and won't, and will still come out of it okay. 

He also played "Captain Freedom" in The Running Man.

They Live featured the best fight scene (since The Quiet Man with John Wayne) and the best action movie line ever. If you haven't seen it, get back to me when you have.

The movie spawned a video game: Duke Nukem. Sadly, hoped for a Part 2 of They Live that never came. This movie is, deservedly, a cult classic, and earned Rowdy Roddy a place of honor here on the Action Figures list . . .

Check out this website: AllOuttaBubbleGum.com. Their action movie breakdowns are hilarious! follow them on twitter: @AllOuttaBG

THE WHINER
No really great action movie is complete without The Whiner. Someone to explain when you're in some "real pretty shit". Their antics make light of a situation when everyone (you included) is pooping-in-their-pants afraid, and they forego all semblance of dignity. Being heroic is always the farthest thing from their mind and the last thing on their lips. The worse their situation is the more you laugh at their (and your likely) inability to deal with it. That guy would be us, and that's why we laugh.

Here are some of the best Whiners, ever:

#1 on the list of course! His cocky attitude in the beginning made his taking a crap later all the funnier. He's scared out of his mind. Of course he is. You are too, but he's not afraid to show it. His way of dealing with it is wise-ass humor. Has being totally fucked ever been funnier?

"Well, that's great. That's just fuckin' great, man! Now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We're in some real pretty shit now, man."

The first crew is found skinned alive. The big guys are scared and they're being picked off by something unseen. How do you think the little guy feels? Then, he gets wounded. Oh, he SO does not want to get left behind! Would you?

"I can make it! I can make it!"  

The bigger the crap they take, the funnier it is. This poor slob falls into the world of Alien Resurrection to find out he was infected in his cryosleep. Talk about your waking nightmares! Then they have to try to explain it to him.  According to Wikipedia: "Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times felt: 'There is not a single shot in the movie to fill one with wonder,^[1]" I disagree! Leland Orser's fear-filled face is easily one of the best action movie moments ever. But more about how wrong critics were about this movie in a different place.

"What's in-fucking-side me?"  

Kevin J. O'Connor played the same type of character well in The Mummy. If you've never watched this movie, watch it just for him.

"The Girl From Ipanema"   

If not for this performance, the movie would not have much tension outside the relationships and just watching the action unfold. His death is why you care that they succeed at protecting everyone. He sells it with his panic, (your pity) the pus, and the convulsing. The makeup was incredible—in just a few seconds, he goes from sheer terror to slippery blob. Really brings home the idea of "movie magic" because you can't help but wonder how many gifted make-up people it took to transform him, how many levels of makeup he had to wear, and how many takes it took in how many hours (or days) to film.

"Lemme outta here, oh God! Lemme outta here, oh God!"   
 

Iko Uwais's skills as a fighter stole the show at Actionfest 2010. In a movie that looked on the surface like just a sweet-coming-of-age drama, Iko Uwais as "Yuda" fought for his life, and on screen it felt more like a documentary than an action movie.  Iko's speed and stamina were off the charts! If you don't mind an action movie that might make you cry, appreciate life, and understand that we're all the same the world over, Merantau delivered the most impressive and memorable fight scene since Rowdy Roddy and Keith David beat the shit out of each other in They Live. In a series of progressively tougher fight scenes building up to a what-is-he-capable-of? finale, Merantau showcased Iko's Silat skills with jaw-dropping impact. Out of this role as a slender, unassuming young man, a major action star was born. Can't wait for more from Iko!

Shark Boy grows up! Just 17 years old, already-super-popular Taylor Lautner became an 'overnight' international sensa-tion through the Twilight movies. Team Jacob! You could almost see him age for real in the movie: from 16 to 17, from a boy to a super buff wolfman. The blush on the rose and any baby fat he might have had transformed into a chiseled body right before your eyes. After the un-shirting in the sequel The Twilight Saga: New Moon that left girls and women the world over swooning, his display of his martial arts training and true physical prowess on Saturday Night Live (link to video embedded in a Huffington Post article), and the lead in the upcoming action movie Max Steel, the world is Taylor's.

He seems to have an inclination toward action, so we hope that he chooses well and that he's offered choice roles. Maybe he would be THE all-time best Batman!!

Jack Tu

Reported as Jackie Chan's successor, Jack Tu stars in the martial arts movie The Forgotten Jewel. He is the lead in the parkour movie Tropical Tornado. The winner of a national talent search show called Disciple, Jack Tu was chosen by Jackie Chan after an extended and rigorous audition process: "We experienced war, Chinese ancient drama, science fiction, and boats, water, explosions, car crashing, jumping off buildings. We also experienced all the movie stunts that Jackie has done in his past movies. He said that in two or three months, it compacted what he has done in ten years."

He has danced [Step Up and Step Up 2: The Streets] and fought [Fighting] his way into the hearts of every teenage girl. He's more often been a leading man than an action star, but his roles in G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, and Parkour and Knockout (as a black ops super soldier) (both coming soon) are sure to make him the brightest star on the action movie horizon, even though he's also doing other dramatic and romantic roles. He seems to have a quiet demeanor and this compliments his attractiveness. He's not cocky and in your face and that makes you want to find out more; gives him some mystery. Being able to dance and fight speaks volumes for his talent. It's rare that someone does both so well. The All-American blonde look has never been better represented. He's got all of Robert Redford's appeal plus physicality, and is better looking than Brad Pitt (I may be the only female who doesn't think that Brad hung the moon).

HALF and HALF
Part Action Figure, part Regular Joe. They've got the bad half of big 'n' bad, but not the big. Muscular, yes, but even when they are doing seemingly impossible physical feats, their physicality and stature seems attainable. With just a little extra training, maybe we could get there. We expect the Action Figure to do all these things, but when these guys do it, it's considerably more impressive.

Steven Seagal

The Master! Steven Seagal . . . Bone-crackin' trash talkin' at its most entertaining! The essence of action movies in ultra-in-your-face form. A few drops of a Seagal movie is more than fun than other whole movies. He was one of the most entertaining action movie actors out there. If he walked into a room, it was deep shit. He really doesn't need weapons although he sure knows how to use them, and can make up some of his own. He'll beat the crap out of you, help you up, then smack you on the back of the head. It still hurts my face every time I watch this scene.  His movies have SO MANY great one-liners, where do you begin? "Let me do it my way. Just give me an unmarked and a shotgun." This'll get your teeth knocked out: "You wanna get by me? There's only two things stopping you. Beer and common sense."

Ask R. Lee Ermey:  "My guy in D.C. tells me that we are not dealing with a student here, we're dealing with the professor. Anytime the military has an operation that can't fail, they call this guy in to train the troops, okay? He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire. You could drop this guy off at the Arctic Circle wearing a pair of bikini underwear without his toothbrush, and tomorrow afternoon he's gonna show up at your poolside with a million-dollar smile and a fistful of pesos." (Come on! If you've got R. Lee Ermey talking about you, it doesn't get more bad-ass than that!) (And if you had to click on that link to find out who R. Lee Ermey is— get off my site!)

My endless love for Tom Cruise began when he appeared briefly in the Brooke Shields movie Endless Love (1981) playing soccer.
I remember thinking: "To hell with this story, let's follow that guy!"
(<--special thanks to whoever put together this montage)

Tom is always in great shape and does a lot of his own stunt work. His body of work is impressive and I would say he was the next generation's Burt Reynolds: attractive and average enough in stature to be a leading man, yet physical enough to sell the action scenes. If you're a true Cruise fan, you saw every one of these movies (list goes up to Eyes Wide Shut)—and thought they were all good!

Taps (1981)
The Outsiders (1983)
Losin' It (1983)
Risky Business (1983)
All the Right Moves (1983)
Legend (1985) (in which he looked painfully beautiful)
Top Gun (1986)
The Color of Money (1986)
Cocktail (1988)
Young Guns (1988)
Rain Man (1988)
Born on the Fourth of July (1989)
Days of Thunder (1990)
Far and Away (1992)
The Firm (1993)
Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)
Mission: Impossible (1996)
Jerry Maguire (1996)

I believe Tom Cruise is underappreciated because people think he IS the role he most often portrays (a cocky asshole) in real life, and therefore he is not acting. This is unfortunate because his performances are so enjoyable, and he deserves credit for that. Think it was easy to bark "I want the truth!" at Jack Nicholson? "[He eats] breakfast 300 yards away from 4,000 Cubans who are trained to kill [him]." If only Tom didn't seem so damned pleased with himself maybe we'd like the person/actor more, but then we wouldn't love the characters so much . . .

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Magnolia (1999)
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
Vanilla Sky (2001)
Minority Report (2002)
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
The Last Samurai (2003) (Love the long-haired Tom!)
Collateral (2004)
War of the Worlds (2005)
Mission: Impossible III (2006)
Lions for Lambs (2007)
Tropic Thunder (2008)
Valkyrie (2008)
Knight and Day (2010)

Jackie Chan made a younger generation love martial arts movies. If you didn't already love 'kung fu' movies because of Bruce Lee, then you probably went back to have a look after you saw Jackie Chan. When his first movies came to American cinema, we all watched with our mouths open. The helicopter drop into the frozen lake, the building-to-building jumps, fights with things like a shopping cart: it's a long list. It all seemed impossible to believe he did those things until we saw the misses and practice, and injuries, on the outtakes. Rush Hour paid homage Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder and the combination of action and comedy has never been better than Jackie and Chris.

And he's so lovable! Maybe it's the smile or just some inner goodness that shines through. Even when Chris Tucker is aggravating the hell out of him, he keeps his cool.  What I find so funny is that even with the fact that he's in perfect shape, can do all these incredible moves and twist himself this way and that, when he tried to dance, he was awkward. Compared to Chris Tucker pretty much everyone's awkward at dancing, still... "how difficult is that?"

Jet Li

Mr. Li was dropped in our movie-going laps like a hot coal, smoldering his way through Lethal Weapon 4, you knew that someone was going to get hurt (please make it Mel Gibson!) and they were. He's as intense as Jackie Chan seems sweet. Whatever character Jet Li plays, you are always a little afraid. Even in Romeo Must Die, which was a 180-degree turnaround from LW4, bad guy to good guy, he had a presence of danger (and sexuality). He seems a little evil, a little kinky. His only bad movies were just not worthy of him; he's been good in everything he did. Watch him kick Dolph Lundgren's ass (wink) in The Expendables, also starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture.

Jason Statham

A mean machine alright. He's tightly coiled and ready to spring into action.  If action movies were coffee, he'd be espresso—all that heat contained by a steely cool exterior that makes you want to push buttons just to set him off. Break the rules! Open the package!  He's not overly built, he's perfectly built. In a suit, he could be just another guy, like you. Yeah, you could do all that—not!  You just think you can 'cause he makes it look easy, and stays cool, calm, and collected. If he can do all that when he's under control, when he's pissed you know anything's possible. He moved past the thug roles to the James Bond type with The Transporter series and back to the thug. I'm sure his career will survive Crank: High Voltage, but I wish I could forget the image of his nasty hairy ass crack . . . Too much guys, too much!

(This Brando-esque photo is all the proof you need that you can dress up the action figure.) He has the bad boy appeal, but only the charm is boyish, the rest is all man.

Karl Urban

Karl's career has been a succession of really interesting and fun parts. He has looked very different in most of his roles but none as impressive as he was in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers as Eomer. Not since Interview With The Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles have so many gorgeous long-haired men been on screen, but he took the cake. He was hilarious and scruffy in Ghost Ship, majestic in The LOTR Series, "flawless" as Vaako in The Chronicles of Riddick, underutilized in the anticipated yet disappointing Doom, heart-wrenching and vicious in Pathfinder, and spot on as Bones in Star Trek.

Sam Worthington

Cementing his place in action movie history as the paraplegic hero of James Cameron's CGI epic Avatar, Sam Worthington also played John Connor in Terminator: Salvation and thank God he did because Christian Bale was busy ruining it! (link is a parody)  He's on quite a roll, also starring in Clash of the Titans.

Maybe it's just his look with a crewcut but he has a very everyman face. I mean that in the best way: relatability. You're not distracted by his looks. Of course, that could be a testament to his acting ability. Too many times actors seem to play themselves. Sam disappears into the role.

REGULAR JOES (and JANES)
Often, these characters find themselves in impossible situations and rise to the challenge. In shape, but not usually so, they and their characters are often hugely popular because they are so relatable. For the female Action Figure, it may not be about obvious strength, but more about agility and physical beauty. She doesn't have to be butch but she has to be beautiful and it has to be believable.

Sigourney Weaver

(bowing) Not worthy!

The kick ass star of Alien, Aliens, Alien3, and Alien Resurrection (I love them all!), and Galaxy Quest (loved that too). The one who kept a cool head when even the robot had an evil agenda, when the soldiers needed rescuing and their leader fell apart, and through the nightmare and back again as the monster's mother. The only tatoo I ever considered getting was the "8" on the forearm from when she is the 8th clone in Alien Resurrection.

It ROCKS that the star of the most enjoyable action movie of all time (Aliens) is a WOMAN! And a mother! And it's about a mother rescuing 'her' child. Can you believe she made that over-the-shoulder-past-the-3-point-zone basketball shot in Alien Resurrection?! YES I CAN! (Watch this clip, aptly titled "Why Sigourney Weaver Is The Shit!")

In a male-dominated genre, she stands tall literally and figuratively! I don't need Superwoman. I'll take Ripley, Ellen, Lieutenant First Class 36706, and happily be a clone.

There's almost nobody I enjoy watching more. The timbre of his voice is so pleasing—he could be reciting the grocery list and I'm enraptured. From as goofy as he was in Peggy Sue Got Married ("Lucky Chucky") to 'Mr. Slick' in Lord of War, he's thoroughly entertaining and can't-take-your-eyes-off-him watchable. His delivery in The Rock was so much fun it added to that roller-coaster-ride feeling, like you were on it with him. Leading man and action star, he mixes it up better than anyone else. He's done a big variety of roles and looked very different in a lot of them. You know he was impressive looking for Con Air! He's true leading man material as his performance can carry a film, like in Bangkok Dangerous. Not that the other actors aren't good too, it's just that what they do seems to add to him, not take away. It's rare anyone can steal a scene from Cage (like Sammi Rotibi "Gun of Rambo" in Lord of War). He's very 'Bond' in his smoothness and charm, yet so down to earth and likeable: perfect example: Family Man. After Gone in 60 Seconds, I hoped his career would go more toward action but he's done enough that I included him here. He's hot, he's cool, he's Cage!

After Moonlighting, we loved Bruce Willis for Die Hard. The do-it-yourself cop with the take-no-bullshit attitude. It's the adventure we always dreamed of having: being the hero on your Christmas break. The wrench in the works, Bruce got under Alan Rickman's skin like a bad rash. The cowboy taking out the Euro Trash. Yippe-ki-yay mother fucker! We'd like to imagine we'd be this heroic if put in this situation. 

He can be forgiven for Hudson Hawk because the rest of the Die Hard series was really great, but when they say things like "his face is unrecognizable" (The Jackal) you have to laugh, because Bruce is stuck with the John McLane persona, like it or not, and a very distinct way of moving (in the shoulders) and pursing his lips... To paraphrase a line from a Toby Keith song, he's "Not as good as he once was, but he's as good, once, as he ever was." In other words, he'll be John McLane no matter who they cast him as, and he'll never be as good.  It's an insult and a compliment.

Kate who? A face so flawless, she'd be breathtaking even without hair. Milla!  Wow, stunning! In the film The Fifth Element, she was female perfection, wearing only straps for clothes. She dominated the screen in Resident Evil, which spawned three sequels: Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction, and Resident Evil: Afterlife (coming in 2011). An unlikely action movie hero . . . pale, slight, and slender, Milla is also fierce, savage, and lethal!  Hers is not the big-boobed, bleached-blonde, artificiality of the every skank. Her vulnerability and slenderness add to rather than take away from the persona: a 'normal' girl until she shows her power. Milla was so mesmerizing in her portrayal of Alice in Resident Evil that it's impossible to imagine anyone else in the role: the highest compliment. And as Ultraviolet, she was a force of nature! If you could stop watching with your mouth open long enough, you had to notice she was effective as hell in those roles. Compare her to Linda Hamilton: Milla's proof you don't have to look butch to kick ass.

Ziyi Zhang (Zhang Ziyi)

So beautiful yet so deadly. She stole the show in Rush Hour 2. She was also devastating in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Hero, and House of Flying Daggers. She played the lead in Memoirs of a Geisha with Gong Li (Li Gong) and Michelle Yeoh, alongside The Last Samuri's Ken Watanabe.

She is currently filming The Grand Master (2011), the story of martial-arts master Ip Man, the man who trained Bruce Lee. Woo-ping Yeun is the action choreographer.

Michelle Yeoh

Ye-oh-my-god! She left such an indelible impression after Tomorrow Never Dies (1997), it gave girls everywhere hope of equality with men! There seemed to be nothing she couldn't do. In Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2003) she was also so good that she could do nothing else the rest of her career and still be an action movie legend. She 'brought it' to the screen and hacked it to pieces.

Bridget Fonda

Earning her place here for a savage yet endearing performance in Point of No Return, convincingly portraying a girl pushed too far and what she's capable of (of what maybe anyone is, with enough programming and training). It's her delicate features and femininity that make it all the more devastating to watch her do those things. Her intensity and concentration seem real. It delivers the action movie excitement as effectively as any guy star's movie. (But maybe you think I'm saying that just cause I'm a girl—Bite me!)

Geena Davis

You know why . . . The Long Kiss Goodnight. Geena is quite a chameleon when it comes to roles and hasn't gotten nearly enough credit for her talent. She is completely believable in this real-life nightmare. Her character's alter-ego is a contrast to what we probably think Geena is in real life. That makes it all the better. The script is great too. She's a bad mother! That's right! (Shut your mouth!) I can dig it!

I don't know what took me so long to add the irresistible Irishman Liam Neeson! Maybe it's because he's so well-rounded in his choice of roles. So many great movies, you may be wondering "He was in that?" If that's what you're thinking it's probably because he's so good at acting you forget it's him. And with someone with his physique and stature, that's quite a compliment. In the otherwise enjoyable but forgettable Suspect starring Cher and Dennis Quade, he played his character so well, the unsettling performance is still with me. He charmed me down to my toes in Rob Roy. As large off screen as he is on. He IS the stuff legends are made of, yet there's something so real, so grounded about him. What a career! Here are just a few:

Excalibur (1981)
Krull (1983)
The Bounty (1984)
The Mission (1986)
A Prayer For The Dying (1987) with Bob Hoskins and Mickey Rourke who bad-assery consists mainly of smoking wherever he feels like, especially when told not to, with unintended hilarity!
Suspect (1987)
The Dead Pool (1988)
Next of Kin (1989) with Patrick Swayze
Darkman (1990)
Schindler's List (1993)
Rob Roy (1995)
Michael Collins (1996)
Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (1999)
A fitting and welcome addition!
Gangs of New York (2002)
Love Actually (2003)
Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Batman Begins (2005)
Taken (2008)
Clash of the Titans (2010)
Who else could play Zeus?—such a voice!
The A-Team (2010)

Burt Reynolds

My boy Burt. No one young understands how big he was (how well liked, how good looking, how much charisma and record-shattering box-office draw he had). You had to have lived through it. The Cosmo issue where he was the centerfold sold out in minutes on newstands. No man had ever posed nude before. (He knew what women wanted-him!). (And no, he didn't show anything.) Before there was Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, there was Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, before them, Robert Redford and Burt Reynolds (and Paul Newman and Marlon Brando) (my point HOT HOT men). He's more of a dramatic actor than an action star, but he helped fuel the love of the genre because he always brought excitement and action to his films (hear him say so in his own words). Just so you can appreciate the breadth of his career, he started on TV with the Gunsmoke series (1955). He has 90 feature films to his credit, so I want to mention just my favorites:  There's the single role he's most known for Deliverance (1972), and the type of movie he's most know for: the Smokey and The Bandit movies (1977,80, 83), Cannonball Run I and II (1981, 84), and Hooper (1978). I love all those, but I also loved him in The End (1978), Rough Cut (1980), Sharkey's Machine (1981), Stick (1985) [filmed here in South Florida where legendary stuntman Dar Robinson did a backwards fall while shooting a gun off a condo in Fort Lauderdale—a stunt first done for this movie (no net). It came off as such a vicious thing to do: be on your way to death and still be shooting, it was copied later in many other movies, including Trinity in the Matrix Reloaded (@1:29], Heat (1986), Physical Evidence, and Breaking In (both from 1989), Cop and ½ (1993) (co-starring a friend from high school Tom Kouchalakos), and The Crew (2000). Burt was also the first to show outtakes at the end of a movie. It was so obvious they were having a great time filming, and he knew we would love to see that and wanted to share it. You just gotta love his unique laugh (hear it at @1:28). Shown here with two of the loves of his life. He said later of leaving Sally Field for Loni Anderson that he traded a diamond for a rhinestone. How big was Burt? He turned down playing James Bond and starring in Die Hard.

Clint Eastwood

What do you say about a man with such a body of work!? Going back to the early days of the Italian films and 'spaghetti westerns', he was just this lanky good-looking actor who downplayed the emotional side of acting. We came to love him for this. Shoot first and shut the hell up. The man with no name. Then the Dirty Harry character came along and it was like adding Raiders to Star Wars for Harrison Ford, we already loved Clint, but this made us love him more. Then the fighting movies with the orangutan. How to take it to the next level! Instead of just shooting his way through shit, he started brawling. It gave me new respect for him as an actor, as a man. He wasn't that young either to be playing that role, and that made it all the better. Made him a tough guy legend. Then he started directing. It was like coming full circle when he made Unforgiven. An ode of love to the western, for which he won Best Director and Best Picture. Often imitated (I think David Caruso is trying to be Eastwood behind those sunglasses) but never with the same impact. The calm, deadly, silent strength and tall good looks were a unique combination. There's no one like him. He made his own brand of 'cool'.

A Scotsman. Everyone's favorite James Bond. He and singer Tom Jones ruled the world at one time. Seems like the other Bonds just played the part. He embodied it. His distinctive voice and self assurance were half of his appeal, the rest: good looks and his acting ability. From this legendary early role, his career only added to his larger-than-life persona. My favorites roles of his are all the Bond movies (but especially Live and Let Die), The Wind and The Lion, The Man Who Would be King, The Great Train Robbery, Outland, The Untouchables, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, The Hunt for Red October, Family Business ("Where did you find this fucking parasite?" LMAO), and The Rock. It didn't matter what his age was, he pulled it off until  Entrapment with Catherine Zeta-Jones. His action movie 'cred' brings such strength to a movie. For example, The Rock. Who do you get when you need a bad ass who's been locked up for 30 years? "John Patrick Mason, General Sir."

"Swords for $400." LOL

 

Robert Shaw

Robert Shaw was my favorite actor. My favorite roles of his are From Russia With Love (1963), The Sting (1973), The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974), Jaws (1975), Swashbuckler (1976), The Deep (1977), and Force 10 From Navarone (1978). A man's man, and an Englishman. A great voice and in-charge presence. He stole the show in Jaws. He re-wrote the Indianapolis monologue and the final version was done in one take. A lot of what was great about "Quint" in Jaws was all Robert. You know you loved him! Tragically, he died at 51.