"Tell Megatron: Let's tango."
(2011) Director: Michael Bay
Transformers was great, but the popular opinion of
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was not good. This movie makes up for it.
I don't think anyone (well, any
Freaks) will give a
damn about the plot. There was so much 3-D action, my eyelids were
fluttering like Nicolas Cage in Lord of War watching the ammo fly
and hearing the sound of money! Cha-Ching! Cha-Ching! Cha-Ching! You will certainly feel you got
your money's worth. The 3-D is JAW-DROPPING !
The opening of Transformers: Dark of the Moon
was like time travel. If you're old enough to remember July
20th, 1969 and saw the Apollo 11 moon landing on TV, it went a
long way to making you feel that childhood joy, national
pride, and sense of wonder in space exploration—A slice of Americana, and a
real treat (hearing it described by Walter Cronkite again). Even if you're not that old,
take a trip to the moon plus the fact that the movie is about
Transformers (!) (still can't get over how awesome that is,
period) and it still fills you with wonder. The same wonder
the 1969-era astronauts in the movie must feel walking around inside
a Transformers spaceship.
Cut to Chernobyl and "Shockwave" . . .
Before I say any more or ruin anything if you haven't seen it,
PLEASE watch this video (below) in 1080p full screen.
AND EAT YOUR AWESOME!"
If that preview doesn't convince
you it's worth seeing, all I have to say is, you're not prepared.
You think you saw it all in Avatar? You think 3D sucks? Think
This movie is what 3D was made for. You will not only
eat your awesome, you will feel gorged and bloated. It just
keeps delivering eye-popping 3D scene after eye-popping 3D scene.
If you're smart, you'll sit a little too close so your peripheral
vision is filled, and I guarantee you'll duck and feel like you get
just got dirt in your mouth cause it's hanging open.
The movie throws in lots of little
cool bits of this and that. First there's the vehicles (all
kinds), incredible cars, the Transformers, their peripheral robots.
It's so beyond wondering how they do anything anymore. This
movie is on it's own level. Don't take my word for it, go see for
yourself. It features Spock (?!),
McDreamy, the guy from The Hangover (you know which guy
"motherfuckers!") and The Hangover Part II,
as well as bits from
The Secret of My Success, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
(I still can't believe they stole that dialogue but I'm not holding
it against them because I was so pleased overall), Get Smart,
and other things I was too busy being impressed with the 3-D to write about, or
that I missed.
John Malkovitch is great as a
mean Boss/eccentric Mogul type. There is a
Millenials joke/reference at
some point about Sam Witwicky, which went nicely with this line from
Malkovitch: "You want the job after this, but this is the job
standing in the way."
Shaia LeBouf plays seems
cartoonish and overly emotional, but when he says "I take my
orders from the Autobots. I know them, I don't know you."
he's all grown up, and all the man he needs to be. This movie
rests on him quite a bit and he carries it, but the 3D is the real
star, not even
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley can compete.
IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS MOVIE, don't bother going to
the movies anymore—you're impossible to please (face it).
The movie takes a while to get to the scene everybody paid $17 (or
more) to see in IMAX 3D but it alone was worth the price of admission: The Wingsuits! (You could have heard a pin drop and we
held our collective breath watching the men pour out of the planes—Incredible!)
Transformers 3 "Birdmen" Featurette (HD)
Michael Bay Dot Com on
60 MINUTES GOING TO EXTREMES
I will have to see this movie at least twice more. I'm
thinking 4 more times. Because the ending (and by
ending I mean the highway chase and everything after) is so
'sweet'. Once word of mouth kicks in, I think it will
shatter all box office records. The first highway chase,
the "Mexican standoff", the skyscraper crushing, and Optimus
Prime's big moment, oh yeah, and the wingsuits. For me to
say "Oh yeah, and the wingsuits" should give you and idea
how much MORE awesome stuff there is to see. All
the Action scenes are staggering in detail,
flawless in execution, creative in perspective,
spectacular in pyrotechnics (real or green screen it doesn't matter), and
deliver action like a whopping huge fist to the face (also
literally in the movie).
. . . And nobody will be
talking about the plot, or care to explain anything other than
all the cool shit they just saw.
My only teensy weensy disappointment was in the voice
of Megatron. As a huge
Beast Wars fan, it just wasn't
deep enough or sarcastic enough to convey the character for me.
But who cares, it's like .05% of anything.