Dec 14  The Warrior's Way will grow on you!
Did you discount this movie?  BIG MISTAKE!! After I saw The Warrior's Way it stayed in the back of my mind, but it wasn't until I tried to write about it that I realized just how effectively this movie's deceptively simple beauty and entertaining story line showcase the concept of YIN YANG . . . Read more

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING
It was incredible to watch and we've become so jaded that it's impressive that we can still be enthralled with the visual theatrics. There were many very cool things (but I felt like I had seen them all before):

>The intro with airplane flying over L.A. in ruins has to be the coolest-ever shot of that done-to-death concept. It takes your breath away for about 3 seconds and is worth the ticket price alone.

>There was the super bad-ass-looking tank (which reminded me of Aliens) but they never used it! That oh-so-impressively real looking sea of zombies (just blew me away) plus the thought that they would cut a bloody swath to the beach driving over them . . . and then nothing! What a huge missed opportunity!

>The metal chest bugs (drug bugs) were also very cool, even though they had  something similar in 1984's Runaway, and 2002's Minority Report (but those looked more like something from 1999's The Matrix.

>Dar Robinson's backwards shooting-while-falling real-life stunt (no cable!) first seen in Stick blew Action lovers away with the idea that someone would be so full of hate, that even falling to their death they are shooting. This was copied on green screen in Matrix Reloaded but kicked up a notch when the Agent jumped out after Trinity, both shooting while falling. Here the do it with two Alices.

>Matrix Reloaded's Neo vs. all the Agent Smiths—I know, if you have to have clones you have to have clones, but, seen it. When it was just the two Alices versus the control center, it was an incredibly great fight scene, but I was not invested in it.

>John Carpenter's The Thing's dog splitting open (most disgusting thing I'd ever seen at the time:1982)—here the dogs are gross looking enough but why have two dog's head split open to reveal more teeth if they're just going to stand there, tooth flaps waving and not attack?

Those are just a few of the things. I felt like I had seen it all before. The underwater swim to weapons, the plane crash into a mountain, the boat as a trap, the Hannibal Lechter-like jail cage in a larger room, the slo-mo fight in water, the sunglasses toss, the kicking a tray full of knives, the bad guy getting away over and over . . .

SPECTACULAR YET DISAPPOINTING
Don't get me wrong, the opening is pretty spectacular but I wanted to be invested. Even in a series where your audience has seen the preceding movies, you have to do more setting up to invest them in the main character's journey. The closer you got to the end, the more holes there were in the plot. So many questions. First: They survived that crash into the mountain!? Really?! Alaska has snow, no, it's a beach and an empty field, now it's snow again. If they can find a girl in the middle of nowhere and put a mind controlling robot drug bug on her chest, how does she manage to get away and why can't they find her again? What is she surviving on among a field full of airplanes in Alaska? Don't start me on the ridiculousness of the prison. If there is a guy in a jail, why do they need to watch him? If the place is surrounded by zombies and you hear noises in the wall, I would right away think: DIGGING! If a zombie got in through that tunnel, why didn't they all get in? Why didn't they just climb over the gate, or push slowly until it collapsed. At times they stood really unsafely close to them. The whole prison building thing was ridiculous! But DAMN, it sure was impressive to look at.

I couldn't believe all the fighting that went on with Albert Wesker, only to have Alice stab him in the head at close range. Oops. He should have seen that coming, don't you think? Too easy by a long shot. I haven't been that disappointed in an ending since the werewolf and the vampire had a lame-ass fist fight (despite all their special powers) at the end of Van Helsing. So not creative. It had no suspense for me and it played like a chapter, not like a book. 

The giant executioner Majini was the best part of it for me. I wasn't impressed with the 3D. (If that's got to carry a movie, the makers might as well forget it.) Of course, everyone was waiting for the Majini's big hammer toss 3D moment, but the rest of the 3D was just so-so. There was a gnarly kill in Resident Evil: Afterlife 3-D but I won't spoil it for you.  The slo-mo seems a little overused and that makes it lose its effectiveness for emphasis.  The movie can't be faulted for technical aspects, but it takes more than visual brilliance to make a good film. You need a really good script that makes you give a damn. Otherwise, it's just a magic show.  It's a super cool, ultra impressive, eminently watchable magic show, but as a movie, meh.

**I have to agree with this statement by Matthew Munden (wish I'd said it) "the best made awful movie to ever be released." 

Sep 13  Seeing RED over Sonja
 
As much as I hoped RED SONJA was starting an action chick trend back in 1985, it was not to be. I don't think Brigitte Nielsen was the right woman for the job. She certainly had the stature (as evidenced by this picture with Arnold) but she was kind of gangly and gawky, and not blood thirsty at all. That role should have scared the shit out of men. Now they are bringing Red Sonja back. I would have turned to casting a Diva from the WWE, or a body builder, or American Gladiator Valerie "Siren" Waugaman (above). Instead, we're going to get the infamous Rose does-this-dress-make-my-butt-look-naked McGowan. As anyone can see from this composite photo, while she may be beautiful, she's no warrior. We have to stop waiting for men to figure out we want to see physically strong women and do it ourselves. Strong women in the business need to get busy busting some ass. I want to be the one to do it!! ;) . . . Look out, here I come!

WONDER WOMAN is in production for 2013. It won't surprise me when they cast someone too feminine for that as well, like Kim Kardashian or Sofia Vergara. Why not somebody strong like athlete Kyra Gracie or Gladiator Gina "Crush" Carano? What I really want to see is a strong old-er woman in The Expendables 2. And not a scantily dressed bimbette. We're way overdue for a girl to be "one of the guys" (translation: a  person first, a woman second).  Some respect, dammit!  We're coming to take it.

Sep 12  Fellow FREAKS
I added a FELLOW FREAKS website list in the left sidebar at the end of the "HOW TO TELL" Action Movie Freak test. It's a collection of site of equally action-film-obsessed folks, or just interesting action- or movie-related sites and blogs I've run across.

Sep 10   The Menu was UNDER CONSTRUCTION  . . .
it's complete now (with some "Coming Soon" items) The whole site is ongoing and getting bigger. Please excuse the glaring omissions (like Kill Bill, etc.). Very excited about putting up my own Action-Movie subgenres . . .  again, patience please: More Coming Soon!

Sept 8  THOR, by Kenneth Branaugh?
I had such high hopes for THOR, I thought, WOW, Kenneth Branagh's gonna do action, that could make Branagh cool. Stupid me, it looks like drama, not action, Thor's not making Branagh cool, Branagh's making an uncool Thor movie. It's supposed to be a comic book not soap opera digest.  Ooieeeee  Without the mythic figure, we don't care as much about the story. The larger-than-life ness of the man and his strength comes first.  Before this turns into another Anti-Scrawny rant, I'm going to post this picture (at right) from the article by Olivia Lichtenstein entitled "As Hollywood's leading actors start looking eerily similar, where are all the real men?" where she asks "Whatever happened to testosterone?" It's alive but aging and starring in The Expendables. I don't get the Team Edward thing. Or Zac Efron. Being buff alone does not make you attractive (Jackie Warner) or masculine (every gay guy). Oh shut up. It's my blog.

I guess I'll just have to wait for the real THOR movie starring an ex wrestler.  Compared to this drawing, Chris Hemsworth looks like Thor's 14-year-old nephew. Branagh must be unclear on the  SUPER hero part. Oooieeee.

Aug 28  Expendables II
Read that @TheSlyStallone is considering making Bruce Willis the villain in Expendables II. Nooo. . . We don't want to see John McClane play a villain. Have him play to his strengths and come to the rescue.
And he tweeted: "I am thinking what would be the most dangerous places in the world to set the sequel?"

I added Marko Zaror to the bad ass list. 

Aug 27 At last! @TheSlyStallone
is a verified twitter account, and it seems from the tweets, it's really him. I tweeted my Rambo III commentary to him (not that he's following me, or not that he'll read it . . . ) but like Judy Tenuta used to say "It could happen!"

Here he is pictured with a tattoo of his wife from 2008.

Aug 26  ROTATING CAGE FIGHTS!
After I saw this scene in INCEPTION I wanted to see real fights in a ROTATING cage! Took me back to Mad Max Beyond THUNDERDOME*. You know it's just a matter of time. Boxing with gloves was too "nice", now it's bare fisted and bloody. Why not throw gravity in as a factor? Hey MMA World Extreme Cagefighting—how about it? If they won't do it in real life, somebody please do it in a movie. The Action Movie Freak in me is just waiting to see gravity used to increase the impact in a punch.  What's harder than punching someone in the face? Punching someone who's falling into your fist in the face. Like a FIST-ON COLLISON! Rotating Cage Fights would give new meaning to the phrase "GROUND and pound". Aaaah violence. LOL [*Although they chickened out of using it, fighting with a chainsaw while on a rubber band was a pretty awesome idea—for a movie, of course for a movie.]
 

Aug 11 MANDRILL comes out in September!*

Aug 10  STALLONE STANDS ALONE

In the midst of all the excitement about the ultimate action movie and the ultimate action cast ensemble (The Expendables), I got to thinking about what I heard Sylvester Stallone say about putting Rocky to rest. No more Rocky movies—seems only fitting the way the last one ended. What's left for Rocky to do? A growing-old drama of him coaching a young contender to honor the memory of "Mick" . . . no. Mickey's story was different. Rocky became somebody. Which got me thinking about the cancellation of the fifth Rambo movie. THIS intrigued me. Stallone is not only this amazing action figure, but he has the sensitivity, intelligence, and talent to also touch on something everyone identifies with, such as the underdog triumphing, righting an injustice, and/or being on the side that needs a hero and doing something about it. With Rambo, he went beyond just making really great movies and touched a nerve with audiences on real-life issues.

The first Rambo movie First Blood called attention to how poorly Vietnam Vets were being treated when they returned home.

Rambo: First Blood Part II focused on the POW/MIA issue. The whole country was so torn up over the idea that there might still be soldiers over there. (I remember the bracelets we wore in junior high and how we checked the newspaper for the name of the soldier on our bracelet. Check out this moving blog post for the history of the bracelets.) He portrayed our collective desire to circumvent the bureaucracy and bullshit and just go rescue some soldiers!

Rambo III was a great example of the underdog (this time it's a country) and an injustice. But what a tangled mess Afghanistan turned out to be. It's no wonder Rambo was still far from home when Rambo (IV) came to be.

With Rambo (IV), Stallone delivered a blood-and-guts type of action movie showing the true brutality of war within the context of the suffering of the people of Burma. The naïveté of the missionaries seems to represent the ignorance of most Americans to the killing that goes on in places like Burma all over the world. It was the perfect backdrop to illustrate the war inside Rambo, and to watch with horrid fascination as Rambo, the killing machine, is released once again. There is something very satisfying about vengeance. Whatever it cost Rambo (inside) to try to rescue those people, it was enough to finally bring him back home to the States. Maybe it was just the simple and sad truth that the killing may never stop. As I watched Rambo walk the long driveway to his home stateside, I couldn't help but think of the pain and suffering that kept a good soldier away so long. He was able to leave it behind (at last), but I still want to see him "come full circle" to being whole and happy.

John J. Rambo is 63. (Stallone is 64, same birthday :D July 6th).  What would fulfill him? What cause could Rambo take up now that he's back home in Arizona? Hmmmm . . . (It will be interesting to see Machete with Rambo in mind.) I still want to see another Rambo movie even if it's not action (biting my tongue). I hope Stallone will find some way to show Rambo feeling accepted and appreciated. If there is a fitting cause for Rambo to begin a new life and close his chapter on killing, I would like to see it, even if its a drama or a love story. Women would LOVE to see Rambo in a love story. I can dream—I'm a woman and this is my blog. Maybe he could be a father figure to a family who has lost a son (or daughter) in "The War on Terror" or deal with the cause of homeless veterans. I think it would be so satisfying just to see him being appreciated and treated with respect, and loved.

Wherever Stallone takes Rambo, with release of The Expendables, Stallone now stands alone in action movie superstardom as the most beloved action figure of all time. Action movie freaks are frothing at the mouth with anticipation. What a fucking BAD ASS to pull off assembling a cast like this. "Stallone! Fuck Yeah!"

Aug 9  The Expendables

Don't kick yourself later for not seeing it on the big screen! There was SOoo much anticipation for this movie . . .

I don't want to spoil anything while it's still in theaters—GO SEE IT—then check out my Expendables Movie Review. Seeing that cast together was worth the price of the ticket alone. Stallone had to deliver something worthy of bringing them all together . . . so did he? Is it good enough to support a sequel? Undoubtedly, but a lot of the draw will depend on the next cast. It still amazes me that he asked Jeanne Claude Van Damme and that he said no. And what was Kurt Russell thinking?! He was lucky to be asked as well. This movie looked to be the greatest "boys club" romp ever, how could any real action movie fan say no? 

July 8
Predators GO SEE IT!
I could hardly wait to see it.
If you haven't yet, don't click on the link above—Go see it first :D!  

Love this international release poster.

Finally! A return to the jungle. This movie was enjoyable but changing the structure just a little could have made it great. I was disappointed to come away feeling they used it as a money maker while giving props to the original just to capitalize on our love of the first movie. Had they set out to make a really great movie all on its own and not just try and figure out what we loved about the first and deliver on that . . . (sigh).  This movie was fun, and I know you can't compete with Arnold, but you can TRY. Adrien Brody no matter how buff, no matter how great an actor could never be an "Action Figure" and this was an Action Figure movie. Check out my Predator | Predators comparison.

July 5  Aaydryn Brrody's no Euuwan MaGrreygga  

Just 3 days and counting . . . to midnight July 8th-GOT MY TICKET!

Yes, I know how to spell Adrien Brody and Ewan McGregor. I was just havin' a wee bit o' fun with it. I am so psyched for PREDATORS! The only good thing about Adrien Brody being in Predators will be watching them kill him. Please let them kill him, first. LOL  LOVE the who-dies-next Monster genre. Aaah, Adrien Brody. The Halle-Berry-kissing fool.

I saw him in Splice—He was okay. His wardrobe kept me laughing, but that's not his fault. I SO want to like him in Predators because I don't want him to ruin it for me (see my Anti-Scrawny Rant below). I sure hope he's up to it.  I'm thinking either Don't-call-me Larry Fishburne or Danny "The Mayor" Trejo will be the last man standing. Danny Trejo is awesome! Wondering how much of a cult classic Machete will be. (Hope there are some just awesome kills.) He looks a liiittle bit oh-shit terrified here (its in the eyebrows) even though he's holding what Robert Rodriguez called "double uzis" (MP5Ks). Gotta love the Navajo-looking straps hanging down.

As big as the guy in the video below is, he appears to be struggling to hold on—gives you some idea of what it would be like to try to hold and fire two of these.

I would, of course, like it to be the girl (cause I'm a girl) (the only girl, "Isabelle" played by Alice Braga) as the last 'man' standing. I liked her in Repo Man. Plus, the girl was one of the few to make it out alive in PREDATOR.

July 3  Knight and Day  (A Case For Casting Unknowns)

I love Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, and Knight and Day was great fun and worth the ticket price, but not worth reviewing in detail as an action movie. It is, however, a great opportunity to make a case for casting unknowns. About halfway through the movie, I thought that this movie would have been a great vehicle to make the careers of two new, younger stars, but with Cruise and Diaz, they were just a little too old and too recognizable (for me) for it to be as enjoyably fun and romantic as I think it could have been.

That may be an age bias on my part, but the attractiveness of youth is a reproductive fact. We don't feel attracted to aging stars like we do fresh faces, and consequently, I wasn't really buying the romance. That seems harsh considering how good looking they both still are (and always will be), but maybe it was just something personal that I see they are either on top of the hill, or just over it. Plus, they are SO well known that I couldn't get past their fame and all the pre-movie TV coverage of . . . "Tom and Cameron are such great friends and Katie was on the set and blah blah blah". I think if someone has to say on TV that it's great that Cameron and Tom "can still do this", that proves my point.

I realize my wishing this movie starred unknowns is also partly a negative reflection on Cruise and Diaz's acting abilities, like maybe I should have walked away wondering if they really fell in love on the movie set in real life. So be it, and I am not unaware that people go to see movies because they want to see Tom Cruise paired with Cameron Diaz (or Tom Hanks with Meg Ryan or whoever), and that these stars bring people to movies they might not otherwise see.  And yet . . .

It brought to mind the casting of Julie Roberts in Something to Talk About (Callie Khouri's second script—She won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for Thelma and Louise, her first script!). I love Julia Roberts too (how could you not with that smile?!) but I don't think of her as the type of Southern woman that script was written about and yes, she is an Actress, but maybe in that role she just didn't sell me. I was super disappointed after the movie because I so loved the script and thought it was tragically under-appreciated by being a Julia Roberts vehicle. 

I can see where stars pick scripts to further their careers/personas because I believe we attribute the sum total of their roles to what we imagine is their real-life personalities (more about that in my discussion of Tom Cruise as an Action Movie Bad Ass), but in this movie, had it been cast with an unknown, more authentically Southern sounding and acting star, it would have, should have been more like a glimpse into the life of a real person than watching Julia 'play Southern'. I say that because I lived in the South and I felt like I knew that girl, and the way Julia Roberts played her, the spark was missing!  With the right unknown actress cast, the scene where she confronts the women in the meeting could have been Oscar-winning-Best-Actress performance material.

I guess, as a writer, I'm feeling protective of the material and not thinking about the bottom line, and the way I think they cast movies: "Who can we put in this to get people to see it?" I just think the material should come first, not the stars, and that upon finishing the last page of a script, someone should be able to tell that the movie would be better with an unknown. I really feel the loss for Callie. Such an amazing character journey! When Grace King Bichon stands up for herself, it could have resonated with all women, instead it was just Julia.

Back to Tom. Tom Cruise is nobody's fool and it was just happiness that he jumped on Oprah's sofa. Why were all the jealous haters tripping over that? He was smart to pick this role in Knight and Day of a likeable, quirky, polite, ultra-competent secret agent.  This role will be added to his overall "Cruisy-ness". (If you didn't click on his name in either link above to read my take on Tom, see what I mean here.) Playing a nice, super-polite guy still might not redeem him for some people. It does, however, fit in nicely with the points I was trying to make below about why I choose the movies I see. 

June 29  Movie-Watching Economics

Just a brief explanation: I see a lot less movies than I used to before Realtors® with their greedy spin ran the economy into the ground (I live in Miami). I'm also discovering that either I'm getting impatient in general, or more discerning. If I had more free time and the tickets prices were lower, I think the amount of movies I dislike would definitely double-LOL! At the price movies are now, I go on Saturday mornings for the discount unless I really want to see it opening night on the largest screen possible. Lately, I'm missing so many hyped-up movies, I'm feeling guilty to the point where I've decided I have to defend myself, and chalk it up to personal preferences.  So here it is . . .

Kids' Stuff
I keep hearing about how great The (new) Karate Kid is and I love Jackie Chan but . . .   I have to say I'm NOT A FAN of action movies with a kid in the lead (?!) or helping out.  I hated "Short Round", and it STILL pisses me off that the kid in Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace was so young the goggles didn't even fit right so he could see, and yet we were supposed to suspend disbelief that he could win that race—Even my belief in the Force wasn't enough to pull that off!  An actor only a year older would have sold it. I would blame Jake Lloyd, but he was just a kid, and that's my point.  I feel required to see any (Bruce Willis or) Nicolas Cage movies, no matter what, but I feel like The Sorcerer's Apprentice will surely suck. Hope I'm wrong.

CG Ay-Yi-Yi!
I am also NOT A FAN of CGI where it's ridiculous to the point that it ruins the movie as it did in Pirates of The Caribbean: At Worst End (World's). That whirlpool was real looking, but the fight on the spar was just so long it was silly! There's no way they wouldn't have fallen. Seems like sometimes they don't know where to stop or when to edit. Just because they can produce an incredible effect, doesn't mean 10 minutes of it instead of thirty seconds it necessarily adds anything to the movie. 

Special effects, no matter if they are oh-my-god-you-can't-miss-this-movie incredible, just aren't enough by themselves. As much as I was looking forward to getting that Jason and the Argonauts feeling from Clash of the Titans, in the end I skipped it.

I also skipped Transformers 2, Iron Man 2, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, and may end up skipping Tron: Legacy (aka "The Dude Rides") just because of Jeff Bridges and his stupid open-mouthed blank expression that worked so well in The Coen Brothers masterpiece study of passivity v. aggression, The Big Lebowski, but which has bothered me in every movie of his after it never left his face in Arlington Road.  Ah, who am I kidding? TRON was soooo cool at the time and helped interest in video games explode. I had "Pac wrist" and spent $50 a week in video game arcades. I have to go see what they did with it.  Honestly though, the father/son casting WAY high in annoyance factor! The son's voice, in real life, yikes. I thought Jeff Bridges was bad until I heard Garrett Hedlund. I hope it doesn't pull me out of the suspension of disbelief. Looks WAY COOL!

Although the greatest case for the CGI not justifying the movie has to be Avatar, it's almost as if when the special effects are that great, you have to go see it and you have to say it was good. I say Oh hell no! Visually stunning wasn't enough to outweigh a simplistic story ("unobtanium"?—who still thinks they were clever for making up that name?!), two-dimensional characters, and a lack of editing that pulled the film down and made it drag (they could have cut so much out). There's an Emperor's New Clothes element to saying anything bad about Avatar. I didn't want to see it because I knew it could never live up to the hype, but it's almost like you can't miss seeing it without people disregarding you as crazy, and yet when I came out of it, I knew I was right. As visually dazzling as it was, it wasn't a good enough movie to 'sit through' twice. I refuse to jump on the that-was-a-great-movie bandwagon. As a movie, and not just a special-effects vehicle, it was just okay. I think it was creative to take all that underwater stuff and put it on land. I cannot fault the effects, they blew me away. I wanted to love it and go see it again and again and get lost in the world of the blue monkeys, but it was not fun enough and way too long.

I have to say that if they had given the Best Director or Best Picture Oscar to James Cameron, I'd have stopping watching the Academy Awards. THANK GOD they gave it to Kathryn Bigelow and The Hurt Locker! [It almost makes up for the last time I stopped watching because they snubbed E.T. and Stephen Spielberg and gave the big two awards to Ghandi! Almost.]  I think we may be well into CGI just for CGI sake. It sure seems like we're well into 3D for the sake of higher ticket prices. Neither of these things will make me see a movie.

Comic Relief
And . . . as much as I am a fan of comic books (I even like Aquaman), just because a movie is based on a comic book doesn't mean I'm going to see it either. The critics seemed to slather "Kick-Ass" in drool, but I was so bored, I walked out. I haven't walked out of a movie since I can remember . . . I even sat through The Marine though I was itching to leave. I also skipped Watchmen. I like Josh Brolin so I wanted to see Jonah Hex, but since it's only 1:20 it has to suck. I have this stupid idea that anything under 1:31 isn't worth seeing (just my years of judging movies by run times). I don't feel it's time enough to get invested and then resolve things in a satisfying way. Either they don't have enough build up or they've rushed the ending. I hate it when the beginning is great, then bam! it's over when you wanted to see it played out. (It's like a chick flick with no wedding! Hello Pride and Prejudice! Why do you think the mini series was so popular? Double wedding!! How do you leave that out? Wait, my panties are in a wad and this was supposed to be an action movie rant.)

Team Work
I love the trash-talking bravado of the action movie bad ass, but even the promise of too much of that from The Losers wasn't enough to get me to spend $6 because I read it was downright horrible. I am really glad to see the reappearance of the bad-ass-team type of action movie: like The Expendables. The "A" Team  got the job done.

So what did I pay to see?
• Pan-bore-um (Pandorum) Yikes, the plot! I'm a sucker for space movies.
• Surrogates Zzzz like Zombieland. Too much story, not enough action.
• The Crazies Gross and violent in the BEST way.
• Splice I called it Sex With The Sea Monkeys. It was more disturbing on a parenting level than a genetic one.
• The Book of Eli First, let me just say: Denzel! ("Women love them some Denzel" SPIKE LEE) It had some really great action/explosions/gun fights but Denzel was a little stiff—but, that could be attributed to him (spoiler alert) playing blind, which you don't find out until the end.
• Robin Hood I had too-high hopes for the subject matter.
• Edge of Darkness I hated to give Mel Gibson a penny but it looked old-fashioned-Dirty-Harry-type good, and it was. It was surprisingly not quite that predictable. It did not redeem him, however. 
• Cop Out was surprisingly better than expected thanks to Tracey Morgan.
• Knight and Day was fun and worth the ticket price but not worth reviewing in detail. Read more above.

No Thanks . . .
With apologies to all the kind folks who spent their talents, time, and money making them, these movies seemed like they would not be worth my time or the ticket price:
• Green Zone (not sold on Matt Damon as an action star and don't like the Bourne series either),
• Legion (angels?!)
• Salt (not a fan of Angelina Jolie as an action star either—and thankfully, i'm not alone in this, which is a relief because people will assume I don't like her because she's prettier than me. (She's prettier than everyone!) The guys at AllOuttaBubbleGum.com don't like her as an action star either (must be the Van Damme thing for me).
• Killers NO THANKS
• The Last Airbender (I loved M. Night Shayalan in the beginning. I loved what his sort-of-modern-Hitchcock style, but The Village killed him for me.)
• The Other Guys God, I so want to like this but, WILL FERREL! Enough Ferrel. OMG I even went to see Step Brothers. NO Will, we do not want to see your balls. PLEASE keep your clothes on. I love so much of his work "glass case of emotion", but get over yourself! Will overkill. He's starting to be the same annoying self in everything. I hate them for putting him in Land of the Lost! I loved that show. (NO, I did not go see the movie.)

YES!! Pretty please with cherries on top!
My hopes for the summer are already exceeded with the release of The Expendables! Add Predators to that, and I'm HAPPY. The rest is gravy! I hope to see:
• Inception
• The American
• A Woman A Gun And A Noodle Shop
• Machete
• Resident Evil: Afterlife
• Unstoppable

Luckily for me, I already these as-yet-unreleased action movies at ActionFest:
• Operation Endgame Great cast but insufficient plot
• Valhalla Rising I will try again to see it for Mads Mikkelsen
• Centurion Go see it!

June 12  Saw The A-Team! 

"A" is for a big, satisfying Aaaaaaah!
The A-TEAM delivered Action with a capital "A" . . .

May 18   "My Men are Not Expendable!"
And I don't do this kind of work." How crazy is it that Van Dummy and Kurt Russell turned down an opportunity to be in The Expendables? If they think they're too cool, they're sadly mistaken. Being in The Expendables is like the ultra-action-movie-superstars club. It's an honor just to be asked!! How do you say no? I have to say that if they said No, then they don't deserve to be that cool! I'm so psyched that Terry Crews is in it. I love him in Everybody Hates Chris!

Every Action Movie FREAK would love to cast GEARS OF WAR.

May 17   Movie Chains are PRICE GOUGING!
If a movie isn't really good, I don't want to spend the money to see it. "Rant" at  AllOuttaBubbleGum.com gave Iron Man 2 only a 6 out of 10.  I hear everyone says just the last half hour is good. Yes, I like Robert Downey Jr., but that's not enough to pay $11 for 2 hours. I guess if it was 7 stars, I think there's a possibility I might think it was 8 or 9, but 6—pass. There's way too many movies that aren't worth the $11.  If movies were $5 all the time, I would see almost all of them. I just don't get why they price them SO high. The snacks are insanely priced. If they were cheap, everyone would eat like crazy because people love that food. But COME ON, $4 for a small popcorn?! What is it, 5 cents worth of popcorn? If people aren't going to the movies, they should try a price rollback and see how many people come and how much they eat.  One thing I won't eat: Sunmaid Milk Chocolate raisins—they're DISGUSTING. That 'stuff' is not chocolate. GOOBERS! RAISINETS! SNOCAPS! We must have the classics. And, how do you expect us not to feel ripped off when the soda is 2x the price that it is at fast food places? If they can make a profit at that price, what's your excuse for gouging us?!  It just creates ill will.

May 16  Anti-Scrawny RANT

Today I  was working on writing about PREDATOR and I'm looking forward to PREDATORS (how could one not be?), but I remembered when I heard Adrian Brody was in it as some kind of bad ass, I couldn't help but remember my reaction when I heard someone put Winona Ryder in an Aliens movie! Really the last person, okay, well Woody Allen would be the last person I would expect to see in an Aliens movie, but Winona Ryder? Turned out it was pretty funny casting considering her role. Yes, Winona Ryder, because apparently she is the look to reproduce as android pleasure girl named "Call".  

So then I hear Adrian Brody beefed up for PREDATORS. Good! Because he was the scrawniest thing since that "Brilliantine stick insect" Remington Steele (phrase from Fawlty Towers). I thought he ruined every movie I saw him in: The Affair Of The Necklace, The Village, and King Kong. Yes I know he won the Oscar for The Pianist, but I didn't see the Pianist, I didn't see anything else he won awards for either: Restaurant, Love The Hard Way, or Cadillac Records. So he's my one misgiving about PREDATORS. When I look at the trailer and see "the most dangerous killers on the planet", I think, okay, with training and weapons anyone can be dangerous, or with a warped mind, doesn't matter what they look like, doesn't have to be the mostly-all-G.I.Joe-types casting that PREDATOR was in order to work, but that certainly was one of the coolest things about it. They better do a damn good job of showing why these guys are dangerous before they off them one by one in hopefully apropos and interesting ways. Robert Rodriguez says he is also developing the characters of the different predators (that turned out to not be true), so I hope we see how they use the differences to hunt their prey (oh well). Also, I think it would be more satisfying if we know the strengths of both hunter and prey so we can appreciate the method of their demise—if they capitalized on their weaknesses, or how they won or failed. 

So getting back to the Scrawny rant . . . I think action movies use leading man types too much and should cast "action figures" more. Why was Chris Hemsworth cast as THOR instead of Triple H?Hemsworth can't wield a mighty hammer! Is anybody out there reading a THOR comic book and thinking Chris Hemsworth?  Hell NO!!  There are real comic-book-super-hero types in life (that is why wrestling is so popular: we feel invincible watching them), please start casting them!

In closing I have to add this: Jake Gyllenhaal as The Prince of Persia?! Aw C'mon!!!!! NOooooo! What's next Spencer Pratt as Aquaman? I loved Aquaman so much as a kid growing up swimming all day long in the Bahamas, but even I recognize the character's lameness. :Leading men like Brad Pitt, Paul Walker, Casper Van Dien, or pretty much any blonde actor would be perfect—that says it all.  Still, I wish there was more casting of the physically superb for super hero roles! We want to see SEXY brawny beefcake! Jake got all beefed up for the role, but his face is still wrong, and (sorry Jake) he's not sexy. Doesn't it look like they stuck the wrong head on that body? John Abraham would have been perfect!  Can't believe they used a 'blonde' American actor for that role. KevJumba's on the same page with this . . .

May 15, 2010   A year from when this site went live, I am starting a "blog" and I have to start with this . . .  
"Why Sigourney Weaver IS The Shit"